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TV Reality and My Reality

by Jenna Kantor

So, I turn on the tv and see these girls in a reality show trying to become the next Pussycat Doll. This would not be for me. I believe that going on tv to try to make it into this industry is the worst way to go. They edit so much to create an entertaining show. They could make me out to be an awful, mean person. It is the worst exposure.

Take my current gig. If I was being followed by cameras, any negative comments, thoughts, or opinions could be broad-casted nation-wide and I could be ruined. No one wants to hire someone the world dislikes. I could really put my future career at risk if I was filmed. I would love to say that I am perfect and never have a negative thought, but I do. It is not about others, it revolves around me. i am always concerned about my career. I also worry about how others perceive me. I would hate to hurt other people’s feelings and them to become resentful towards me. I worry. I really do. I don’t doubt myself as much as I used to … If anything, I have a lot of confidence. It feels so good to have a believe in myself for once. It’s not conceited. It’s … how should I describe it? I come from a low, low self-esteem. I would beat myself up over everything. I learned my parts for shows with all my fears clinching to my spine. i could not relax into my love for performing. i was so busy judging myself. Many times, I would make fun of myself aloud only to beat others to the punch. It was already hard enough to deal with my own harsh self-criticism. Having another negative comment come from elsewhere; I couldn’t take it.
Good to know that I am in a better place now. I have a right to not always be “on.” I also have learned that I have a right to feel what I feel. It doesn’t mean I am always right.


Posted in General on September 2nd, 2007

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