This story below is a secluded incident of some of the unfortunate “dramatic” b.s. things that can happen when you work in a cast.
Man, I was a victim of pure cruelty. If you ever get a chance to know me, you would know that I don’t have any bad intentions. I will make mistakes and sometimes offend people, but I always make it right through apology and learning what I did wrong. I wish I could say that I always do the right thing, but then that would be a lie. Do I do the wrong thing on purpose? Absolutely not.
Yesterday, a friend in the cast was talking about her newly engaged friend’s diamond ring. Automatically, I asked if the ring was “blood free.” Let me explain before I go further. If you have seen the movie, “Blood Diamond,” you will know exactly what I am talking about - it is a highly serious issue on how diamonds are found and brought to the US. The movie, though fictional, revealed the reality of how many deaths occur during this process. It was gory and a true awakening for me. At the end of the movie, a solution to this horrifying problem was provided - when buying an engagement ring, make sure your diamond is blood free.
I am not a huge activist. I don’t have to be. This hit me hard. No diamond is worth a single life. So, when someone has mentioned a diamond ring, I bring it up. I don’t expect everyone to know what I am talking about, but then they will learn and hopefully I will save some lives. Not directly, no, but in this situation, everything matters. That is my strong belief.
It did not occur to me how offensive this could be to someone who has already gotten a ring. Luckily, in this situation, the person who had the ring was not there. Another girl in the same dressing room, automatically got annoyed with my lack of consideration. Although my mistake was not her business, she made it her business … but that’s another story.
I was meant to learn from my mistake. In this girls pissed off way (she gets annoyed with anyone who has an apposing opinion), she stated how wrong I was …. I got it. The one thing I will always disagree with is not informing a person about the importance of requesting a blood free diamond before they get a ring. This girl made it obvious that me talking about it could be taken offense to … I get it. To me, it is worth the risk of getting someone mad at me in order to eventually, and hopefully, completely end the industry of blood diamonds.
In the end, I saw both sides. I just knew and still know what was more important to me. In this situation, you have to agree to disagree (which is unfortunately not in the girls blood - pun intended).
I thought that was it. A private disagreement. We’d have to go into our silent, angry places and get over it. That’s what I did. I apologized to my friend, the one who I was initially talking to about the diamond thing, in case I offended her. She assured me I didn’t, but I was happy to get the apology in just in case. I thought that what it. We’d have to deal with it.
This is when people can be so cruel.
No. I had not spoken to anyone about it. Went onstage for a scene where I have a small cameo. After I receive a gift, a fellow actor who was not even there for the conversation said under his breath, “make sure its blood free,” obviously done to mock me. I completely forgot I was on stage and gave the person a death glare as I felt his comment dig me in the heart. I was so hurt. It was a joke at my expense. I suddenly felt completely attacked because I was … I left the stage, quickly changed costumes and went to the bathroom in another dressing room so I could cry. I must mention that when I came into the other room, it was obvious this girl was in that room talking about me. Well, she was at the beginning stages and I accidently interrupted her. I did not realize this was a “convince everyone to take someone’s side thing.” Childish and cruel. That is what this girl was chosing to do. I have close friends in the cast and they did not know a thing. I figured it was between me and this girl. I am not a gossip.
I was in the dressing room with another girl just before the final number of the show and the tears just started streaming out. Why was it necessary to go so far? Was the intention to pick at me and make me look and feel absolutely horrible? Mission accomplished.
Like I said, I don’t have bad intentions and after reading this, even if you disagree with my standpoint, you will still know that I don’t have bad intentions. I am aiming for the good. But what happened to me after this … let me put it this way. What was this other girls intention? Good or bad? Is going around and telling people of her annoyance with me a good or bad intention? Because honestly, I don’t see how she was trying to do any good.
How are things now. Well, that was our first show. I had time to recoup and gather myself to “get happy” again for the evening show. I did not know how to be in the dressing room, so I gave it to my higher power before I walked in. The girl who hurt me, chose to talk to me as though nothing happened. I joked back and covered my hurt. No apology for her actions. That’s her choice and my expectation. The person who chose to take that verbal stab at me onstage, I could not look at him. I did not trust that he would not take another stab at me again. Have you ever been around someone and even if there is silence, you feel awful about yourself. That’s how I was feeling. We had a Christmas Cast Party that night - I had to leave briefly to give myself a chance to cry again. It’s one thing to act happy onstage, but in real life, it is hard. I was really hurt and felt awful. I needed a chance to let it out again in order to collect myself.
Everyone makes mistakes. I made one. I learned and fixed it to the best of my ability by apologizing. I have learned from my mistake and will only talk to someone about the issue before a diamond ring is purchased. Done.
Is it necessary to flaunt and mock my mistake with the masses?