Always Auditioning

It is kind of ridiculous these days. It seems that reality tv is the way to become famous. I was just talking to a friend about this today. There are hardly any new stars on the Broadway stage alone these days. And those stars? How did they get chosen to be the next star?
The web has really changed things for performers. On youtube alone, a person can gain notoriety with clips of themselves singing. One very talented performer got known from a clip of herself singing “I’m A Star.” Through the grapevine, I heard this great performer is now doing Elphaba on the “Wicked” tour. If she did not have her stuff on youtube, I do not know if she would be where she is without youtube. Melissa from “The Bachelor” has now been on two reality shows. I am a huge fan of hers, but all she has really done is be on a reality show where I feel like I can personally relate to her. Is she a great singer/broadway star? No.
The way to become famous these days - it has totally changed. It seems like reality tv and the internet have become the way to go. Craziness!

Sometimes not everyone is going to accept who I am. It is such a shame because I really am one of those naive people who wants to get along with everyone. That would be amazing. I would be great friends with every person I get to work with, but I know that is not possible. … but there is this huge air of hope within me that always prays that it will happen.
Simultaneously, I am not one to accept all people. It goes both ways. I definitely get annoyed with people and can be quick to judge once a person hits me the wrong way.
It goes both ways.
Yes, I am going through something right now with a person in my cast I truly like … so it totally sucks. I pray that things work out because I really like this person.

I am watching American Idol right now and I adore these finalists for two completely different reasons.

Adam Lambert is a great show man with a rockin voice. When he sings, I feel his energy through the tv. He is such a genius with putting on a show. As much as I am a fan of him as a performer, I would not be interested in buying his album. I would, however, totally go see him if he went on tour. Seeing him perform would be a great inspiration.

Kris Allen sings the kind of music I listen to at home. He is that singer-songwriter type that I absolutely love. There is no doubt that he is a handsome guy, but it is his sound and soul that calls to me. I would buy his album.

In the end, I could not choose between the two performers. They are fabulous!

Yesterday, at the start of the show, I found myself quickly tearing up. I had friends in the audience (a rare pleasure to have friends in the audience when performing out of New York). As soon as I entered, they clapped and cheered for me. It was such a great feeling and the tears just started to fall out naturally. They were those rare happy tears. I was on the stage so I really couldn’t let go completely and focused on keeping myself together.
Later in the day, I found myself tearing up again mid conversation. At the moment, I can’t remember what it was that made me so happy, but I do remember they were tears of gratitude. I am seeing some of the beautiful things in my life and it fills me up with this joyful energy.
It’s such a blessing to be crying about what I do/my life because my gratitude is so huge.

I am in love with the music from soundtracks. I am not talking about the music with lyrics that are played on the radio. In my mind, I love the background music that pulls out the emotion and feelings in a scene. Here is a list a great soundtracks that really keep me inspired:

1. Last of the Mohicans
2. Legends of the Fall
3. Harry Potter
4. Only You
5. The Piano
6. Schindlers List
7. Crazy in Alabama
8. The Gladiator
9. August Rush
10. Braveheart
11. Twilight (the background music is beautiful)

You ever have that one person in the cast you just can’t stand? I know we have all been there. I am going to talk about it.
In most cases, the person I dislike is bad-intentioned. Those people who bring down others to make themselves feel better. Yeah, I am not a fan of those people. I never feel bad about my lack of patience with their bad attitude and fake behavior. Luckily, I have only met a handful of these people while I have been in the business.
Then, there are those performers I cannot stand who have a lot of good intentions. I just can’t stand them. In some cases, it can get so bad where I cannot handle the sound of a person’s voice. Admitting this makes me feel awful because it only makes me the asshole. … but it is how I feel sometimes. What do I do when a personality does not work for me? I stay away from that person as much as possible. I avoid the person like the plague. I still need to learn how to stop talking about the person over and over with friends. Even though they understand my frustration, my complaints can quickly get old. … and the poor person who simply annoys me in every way - he or she doesn’t deserve my negativity.
It is so hard to be a great co-worker when my patience gets lost. I need to work on that.

Last week, I had caffeine everyday. How did it mess up my body? Well, now I have to relearn how to live without it. My body has forgotten how to restore it’s natural energy.
It’s total detox time. Today was totally rough. I was sleepy the entire day. And when I say the entire day, I mean it. I somehow got the willpower to do 1/2 hour of cardio at the gym. I really do not know how I did it. I was ready to simply pass out right there and then. My body wanted the sleep and I wanted the sleep.

When I got home, I found myself doing things. I was distracting myself and keeping myself busy enough so I would not go to sleep. … and that’s what I wanted to do the entire time!
What is going on with me? I made it through the second and final show for the day. … barely … I had to pace myself so much. I am in a high energy show. While I was backstage, I felt like a slug and I let myself be a slug. As soon as I got on the stage, I pulled out this energy from nowhere. I do not know how I did it. I’ll get through this once my body relearns how to generate energy on its own.

ANNOYING!
I need to vent today about acid reflux. I can’t stand it! It is so crazy annoying to me. My body is now reacting to the caffeine I drank last week. Annoying! I have been having alcohol once or twice a week because I want to function the way my body used to function when I was younger. I wish there was a way to get rid of this problem that arises every once in awhile.

How does it rise? I feel sick. I feel like I could throw up at any moment. I can’t sleep and can’t eat a lot of food because my body gets so sensitive and easily nauseated by acidic food. Reality check - most foods have acid in them! And when my body is dealing with too much acid, you bet your butt I can REALLY feel the pain from the acid in food. It sucks.
I can’t stand acid reflux. I want my body to be able to handle food the way it did before the acid reflux became a problem.
ANNOYING!

Seriously, I am exhausted from last weeks run of shows. We had our first real 9 show week. Man, I do not know how I did the final two shows on Sunday. I was truly exhausted. Usually, I go to the gym on Monday, but this time, I really could not do it. my body was just plain tired. So, I procrastinated and procrastinated until I finally knew I would not be able to go. It’s not the end of the world to not make it to the gym. It just means I chose Monday as one of my workout days off.

Today, I went to the gym and had a long, fantastic workout. Was it rough? Absolutely. My body is still recovering from last weeks run of shows. I guess I still need more sleep? I don’t want to go to sleep to early … I guess I will head to my bedroom at 9 … but dude, that is still so early. Help?!?!

I was so sleepy last night during the show. I ended up having a good show and pulled the necessary energy from no where. How the heck does that happen? In fact, I think I could safely say the the entire cast was exhausted. Being on the stage with all of them, I really would not have been able to tell. This is our first week of doing a full 9 shows (if you don’t count our opening week). Our bodies are just not used to this. On top of it, there are many sick cast members who are working through everything.
I could have had some caffeine that night, but I figured it would only be messing with my body more. I have not been going through many of the shows this week naturally. In fact, I have been doing the caffeine thing daily. My body is starting to forget how to just have the energy naturally. That’s not an easy habit to break.
So, I am making a new promise to myself. Starting today, I am ending this caffeine streak. It is nothing but horrible for my body. I remember the last time I quit caffeine - it was not an easy process. If I stop myself now, it will save me a lot of time.
I know I can work through a show when I am tired,but I really would prefer to be much more alert off the stage. I really had no idea how I was going to do the show.

In case you didn’t know, the role of Fanny Brice in “Funny Girl” is my dream role. I want to play that role over and over again because there will always be something new to discover.
With the role of Fanny in my sights, I thought I would learn more about her history, her past. So, I am reading up on her in a really boring biography. I can only read five pages per day because the book does not hold my attention for a good period of time and I want to retain what I am reading. What have I retained?
The biggest thing - this girl really struggled on her way to the top. I have only gotten to when she turned 23 and most of her reviews were awful as she took the stage. As I read on, I wonder how the heck did this girl get to be so big when the critiques only offered bad reviews?

This girl was alive when the Titanic went down. I know it is not equivalent to 911, but I can imagine that it probably felt just as devastating and frightening for the public at that time.
I find it inspiring to learn that this very famous performer went through some of things similar if not the same to what I am currently or will most likely experience myself.

I think I have written about this before, but I had a hard time with today’s audience for the first act of the show. In the first act, that is when I have my biggest standout moment. It is brief, but it means the world to me. When the audience sat their quietly at the end of this exciting group number, I was bummed. For me, I am so excited during that number. To me, with all that ebullience I feel within me, it’s hard to understand - why would someone else not feel the same way?

I am loving this show and I will say that over and over. I don’t care if you are sick of hearing it. I repeat myself in order to make a point - the audience can really ruin it for the performing. It’s ironic that I am in the midst of reading this is Stanislavsky’s book. The audience is a huge and forceful part of a show. The overall show journey depends on the audience.

At the end of the show, we received a standing ovation which totally surprised me. I really didn’t think they were feeling it at all. It was so kind and generous of them to stand, …. if you told me that was going to happen before intermission, I would not have believe you. Strange, right?

I am in a cast with many birthdays. I swear, there is totally one like every week. I get worried when there are so many birthdays because I don’t want one person to feel like the lesser of another depending on how their birthday is celebrated. I truly love each person who has had or is having a birthday. The two main traditions with birthdays in this cast - a card for everyone to sign and a cake. I love the look on the persons face when we sing happy birthday. The last persons was on the 5th of May so we had a Cinco De Mayo party at the same time. It was a total blast and for me, the highlight was the smile on the birthday girls face. Love it!
I am grateful for all of the celebrations that have been going on. The last one was on Tuesday … the next on Saturday. Party party party!

I have to write this one as another warning to all performers out there - do not get photos taken with Joe Dilella.

This true and recent story comes from one of the sweetest and most talented performers I know who works as a performer all the time

It began so innocently. She was doing one of her short term survivor jobs and struck up friendly conversations with the regulars. One of the them was Joe Dilella and he offered to take photos of her for free to build his portfolio as a headshot photographer. The photoshoot happened, time passed and she didn’t get her copies of the photos taken. After awhile, she stopped hearing from Joe Dilella altogether despite her efforts to reach him. She improvised friendly correspondence despite her growing fears and frustrations with not receiving the photos. He ended up making her feel like she was in the wrong by ignoring her calls, having other people answer the phone, and finally threatening a restraining order. In the end, she did not get the pictures. Was this his plan all along?

The girl only wanted her photos. The fear that some guy had taken at least 200 pictures of her and then was running away with them did not rest well with her. … and it shouldn’t.

This is definitely a nightmare come true for this poor person. Imagine that someone has photos of you. They can sell them and do what they want with the photos. It’s scary. For all you know, the guy could be whacking off to the pictures he is keeping to himself. You think I may be going over the top? I think not. There are some sick people out there.

I would not trust Joe Dilella. If I was a paying customer, I would not trust that I would get my photos. Man, at the rate he already is going, I am sure that he is the type who would take the payment and run before the photoshoot even happened.

So, if you are in New York and you see some guy in a Starbucks with a camera around his neck named Joe Dilella, run away. I pray this “photographer” stays with taking scenic pictures.

Darn it! I am sad that I am not going to have a showmance this time around. I am single and would like to have a man in my life. Sorry if that sounds lame, but dude, it’s where I am at. So, here I am doing a show with a great group of people - all friends. I don’t need to have a romance with someone in the freakin cast - I would just like to have a romance period. That would be nice. This career has made me single for a long time - traveling and such. I am sick of the single life and want the real deal. Am I going to give up on my career? Heck no! As they said in “Baby, The Musical” - “I Want It All!” … but why is having a love life wanting it all? I don’t see how that is asking for much. If anything, it is not an extra thing to me. Everyone can have a love life or even just some romance in life. I want one. … wouldn’t it be amazing if I could just buy one at a store (heh, heh)?