Always Auditioning

I am the queen of making big mistakes. I am not bragging - it’s just true. In case you didn’t know, I am doing a run of “High School Musical” at a wonderful theatre. Today, I wore a special shirt to the theatre. My “bullshit” t-shirt. That’s literally what it is - a shirt that says bullshit. I showed it off to the director and had a blast sharing it with everyone in the cast (well, whoever was around at the time). Rightly so, I was asked to cover and not wear the shirt to the theatre again. Duh, Jenna. All I could do was laugh at myself. When I mess up, I mess up BIG. Luckily, I had a sweatshirt to put over my fabulous shirt. Thinking back, it does make me laugh. It was such an idiotic choice in the first place and on top of it, I was bragging about it and showing it off to everyone. Oy vey.

There always comes a lull in a contract. Even if I am having the time of my life, there is this inevitable period where everything becomes so routine that I find myself slipping into boredom when not doing a show.
… and I have so much I want to do for myself!
For some strange reason, during this lull, I have been just plain tired all the time. It can be ridiculously hard to get my butt out of bed. For the past two days, not only have I been sleepy, but I have been troubled with this obnoxious headache. Will this beast freakin go away and leave me alone? I know, I know, I am totally complaining here. Sometimes, that’s what I need to do. Complain. It feels good. It’s a release.
I want to get back on a faster track and stop moving around as though there is something dragging me down.

I just watched this opening to the 50th Tony Awards and I wanted to be on that stage. I wonder how it felt ofr all of those stars on that stage. Weere they grateful? Were they indifferent? Were they annoyed to have to be there in their busy schedule? I hope it was the first reason.
I would love to be a recognized faced at the Tony awards let alone the Broadway stage. I think I would be either crying the whole time or unable to remove the cheek pinching smile plastered on my face.
Bernadette and Liza - to meet and work withthose woman on the stage would be such a dream come true, however, if I was on the stage with them, I could be overlooked because I do not have their star status yet. Wouldn’t it be funny if I was on the stage singing with them and just stopped singing and watched them inn major awe? I would stand their dumbfounded and drooling at their talent; forgetting I was on the stage. I don’t what brought that to mind, but the thought makes me laugh.

What is too much or too little when it comes to helping out a theatre. As a member of the “nonunion,” I find it hard to find a good medium. Theatres are always asking nonunion performers to do more than they are hired for. Performers, in my strong opinion, are hired to perform. That’s it. It’s in the contract. If it’s not in the contract, it becomes an unpaid job. I have discovered that many times, when performers do not go beyond what they are initially hired to do, they are judged. They can be seen as selfish. The ones who choose to go beyond their job are sometimes put on the “hire back” list. This is not true in all cases. In one case, this one performer friend of mine did a lot of extra work at one theatre. He went so far as to work regularly in the box office for no pay. Many other times, he would offer his services in the costume shop as well. In the end, despite his generous efforts, he was not asked back to the theatre. Did he help too much? Or did it just not make a difference? I would like to believe that we get hired back if we do a good job and are right for a part. I would love for things to be just that simple.
I am not one of those people who wants to go beyond my duties as a performer. I have done in very rarely, but in the end, I want to bask in the benefits of being alone and/or having some down time.
I am just putting out my thought right now. I am not angry or happy about this topic. I am indifferent because I don’t have any control over other people.

Okay, I have to share my great review. I am totally floating from it (still) and I have to share it:

“…but it is the magnificence antics of Jenna Kantor as Martha that captures attention and steals every scene she’s in. I don‘t mean that in a critical way at all, but Kantor, with a magnetic exuberance that wins the audience immediately, adds an element to the show, which deserves special kudos.”

Isn’t that so nice and generous of the critic? I am just floating from this. I want to shout it to the world so much more, but I don’t want to be a conceited asshole … but I am so freakin excited about this! I am doing something right! Thank the Lord! I just shared some of this with my teachers. I love hearing them say they are proud of me. I could swim in my happy tears right now!
If you feel like criticizing me about actually sharing the review, go on ahead. I have stressed about it enough and I want to share and celebrate this blessing. It’s a positive thing in my life … so… yay!

Sometimes, it is really hard to figure out what is right or wrong. I learned about this review yesterday, but made a point not to tell the cast because I wasn’t sure how everyone would handle it. It doesn’t say some nice things about people. A lot of people in the cast I only see backstage and during the show. For many, knowing that there is a review out there only throws them off. It could cause bad energy in a cast. I don’t want that. Being one of the few people who know about the review put me in an awkward position on Sunday. I chose to mention that there was a review. I figured I could be looked upon as more of a jerk if I didn’t say anything. I did not bring the review backstage. Instead, I let people know how to find it online. I do hope some of them don’t find it. I have had a bad review. I get very obsessive and worried after a bad review. I don’t want that to happen for anyone in the cast.

Oh, my G-d! I just got my first great review. I have had some good reviews, but they were for small, bit parts, so the compliments were not anything I could use on my website. This time, however, I got such a great review. I cried. Honest to G-d, I cried. I would call my parents, but I don’t think I can because all I think it will do is get me to cry. It has made me so emotional. Last time I got a review, it was not great. The whole cast was supportive and said the reviewer was an idiot, but it still hurt me. I didn’t change my choices. Instead, I checked in to see what I was doing and make sure everything had purpose. I needed to make sure. Now, with a really nice, kind, and generous review, for the first time, I can hold my head up high. Eeek! I feel like crying again. I’m beyond grateful right now.

This is practically impossible. I am in the process of trying to find a monologue for an audition I have at the end of June. It needs to be comic. I have a great dramatic monologue, but this “comic” monologue I have is more dry. I am going for Fanny Brice and I want to show them that side of humor. Eeek! Instead of blogging yesterday, I was up late searching for some fantastic monologue. For anyone who knows, this is almost impossible to do. There was a monologue from “Funny Girl,” but it was mostly the lyrics to “I’m the Greatest Star.” Lame. Can’t use that …. as tempting as it may be … because it is such a well known song. The auditioners may find it ridiculous with me doing a song in monologue form. Actually, when I think about it, that may not be a bad idea. … I don’t know! Help! I am calling my acting teacher to get help.

I have watched a little bit of this new season. A lot of these dancers have the choice of doing theatre and it makes me thankful that I am a singer as well. I don’t know about you, but when I was in high school, I was in my prime as a ballerina and contemporary dancer. Now, I am a stronger jazz, broadway, and street dancer than I have ever been.
These dancers on the tv are everything good all at once. i find it to be simply amazing. Even if I had the talent, I would not go on this show. I have a very talented friend who had a great opportunity with the show. Got to Vegas or where-ever they have the dancers go. On tv, they showed this person doing a dance …. the rehearsal footage. Not the actual performance footage. Messed up. Right?
Yeah, reality tv and competitions in general is not a dream of mine.

My aunt just compared doing this show in Wisconsin to summer camp. At first, I just laughed and thought what she said was funny. But when I think about it, doing all these shows in different states is a lot like summer camp. I am put in a house with a bunch of other people who are here for the same, temporary reason. We all get to have fun doing what we love and our goals are generally the same. Sometimes there are group parties/activities. A couple weeks ago, we went on a fun canoeing trip. There are some weeks that are a little rough - when we have 9 shows. During those weeks, everyone is trying to pace him or herself. At the end of the week, we either have a small drunken fest at one of the cast houses, go out for karaoke, or go straight to bed. We generally see each other everyday.
Yeah, it is a lot like summer camp. The cool thing is that we are actually talking about going camping on one of our days off. I love it! It is so great how one person’s perspective can make a great twist on what I am doing. It makes me really see this whole gig for what it is - FUN!

Definitely not. I just saw “My Bloody Valentine,” a predictably horrible horror film and I enjoyed it. It entertained me and that’s what I wanted when I rented it.

I would categorize it under crappy scary movies, but I still enjoyed watching it. Why would I not want to do it? The biggest thing for me - random naked girls. I don’t want to be in a movie as a random naked girl. Even if I had a supporting role, it is usually the sidekicks who end up showing their breasts. I am not up for that. If anything is going to be shown, it has to be for a good reason. It has to be a ground-breaking reason because I do not want the entire world seeing my naked body. Plus, the scripts are usually unbelievably wretched. The plots are always the same and there is mostly screaming. I cannot imagine how tired my voice would be from all of the screaming.
I am not looking for a career in film right now. I am all for the stage, however, if I got a side job doing a film while I was able to continue pursuing my dream of Broadway, I would do it. … but I have my limits. I have my standards. I do not see horror films in my future.

As a dancer, I have pulled my hamstring twice from over stretching. I did it while I was a ballet dancer in high school. I was not born as the most flexible person. I remember all the other girls falling into their splits and me hovering over the ground and unable to even touch the floor. I tried to fall asleep in the splits. That was impossible because the pain was too great. I started to think that if I didn’t get that tearing feeling when I stretched, I wasn’t trying hard enough. I didn’t know that the tearing feeling was the last thing I wanted to feel.
It sucked once my hamstring was officially pulled on one side. It really limited what I could do in ballet class. I couldn’t kick my leg and my extension practice was non-existent. Over pushing my body to become more flexible only ended up slowing me down in my growth as a dancer. I am happy to say that I have not pulled anything since then. I have become very good at listening to my body. If I feel my body reacting to a stretch, I reduce or lay off a bit to prevent any over stretching.

This career is so much about how you look. If you are in any denial about this, get over it. For me, it has taken me a long time to accept my “look.” I have a big nose, slender body, long legs, short torso … I am not barbie. When wearing a dress, my legs make me look taller than I am; plus the way I carry myself (good posture from ballet training) gives me height as well. The truth is - I am 5′5″. For some people, I look sexy, for others I look like a tomboy, and sometimes just like a goofball. It all depends on how I dress.
When walking into an audition room, my look is immediately assessed and I am typed. When I open my mouth, I can change their typing a little, but usually no so much.
So, when you go into an audition room, know what you look like and know what you are selling. Don’t be afraid to get several opinions to figure out your look.

There is so much work to be done when I want to continuously promote myself as a performer and achieve the many other dreams I have in my life. A lot of the work I have to do can be monotonous and is done in front of the computer. It is slow and takes a lot of patience. Many times, just thinking about all that I have to do makes me not want to do it. … then comes the procrastination.
To motivate myself, I turn off the television. This is huge for me because I can lose weeks of my life just watching movies. Instead of watching all of the movies, I turn on some music. That’s it. I turn on music. Once the music is on, I am on a roll and it is fantastic. I want to do that for myself more often.
In case you didn’t know, I am working on a book about the life of nonunion performers. On top of that, I am job hunting for when I return to New York, seeking funding for my music, and working on my growth as an actor/singer. This all takes time and patience.
I have three full days off coming up again next week and I want to take advantage of it. Last week, I did get many interviews done for my book, but that’s it. Everything else just didn’t happen. Kind of sad, but true. I do not like admitting my procrastination, but I do find that when I put it out there, it gets me motivated too turn off that lame television.
Wish me luck!

There is something to be said for just dancing for fun. Why not? You only live once, right? Well, in my case, I love to dance for the fun of it. If I don’t, I forget what got me into it as a profession in the first place. Clubbing is one way and going to dance class is another way to reconnect. When I say dance class, I am not talking about ballet class. Forget that. I am over the technical stuff. I have had so many injuries from ballet. I’m at a point where it really hurts my body to take a ballet class. So, now I go and take hip hop. I could do jazz or lyrical or modern, but right now, I don’t crave those dance forms. Hip hop calls to me and I love doing it. At clubs, that’s where I can dance my face off with my friends. It’s a great release and I learn just by watching other people move.
My point? Dancing is fun. Don’t forget it.