Always Auditioning

Being in a dressing room can be challenging. Life happens. People are always going through crap in their lives and pushing through it. It totally sucks. I am pointing this out because it is so easy to get caught up in my own situation. Heck, I do it all the time. Then, I forget about myself and start paying attention to others and find myself wanting to be Ms. Fix It. Don’t worry, I didn’t butt in and become a royal pain. People are going to have ups and downs in life. and some of them will be really bad. If he/she wants to talk to me about it, I will let that person come to me. I am available and ready for any help I can offer. In the meantime, I keep a respectful distance and focus on the positive. Maybe that will have a way to help the person cope - only hearing positive things come from my mouth.
So, before you judge a person on any day, keep your ear open and seek to understand where the person is coming from … until you know, don’t judge. Be open, supportive, and loving. Positive energy is key.

This is the highlight of my week. I have been looking forward to this video shoot all week. You might be thinking - what the heck is this for? My vocal demo reel. That is the quick and straight to the point answer. Yes, I already have a vocal demo reel and it isn’t good enough. I have a dance demo reel that make me very happy and the vocal reel need to be at the same level. I got advice from people who have auditioned me. The songs where they said “wow” are the ones I am recording - “Lady Marmalade” (I know it’s hard to believe at first cause I am not that type) and “I’m A Star.” Basically, I am throwing my high belt in the reel. Why do I can so much about this reel? First of all, I always care about everything I put out there. Second, I am going to start submitting to agents because I feel ready. I am a great place in my career as an artist and I am ready to be seen for bigger and better things (Broadway - of course - word). So, here I am in my dress, lashes, and all typing away because I am really looking forward to this film shoot. It is going to go by so quickly. My biggest goal today is to enjoy myself in the moment. Focusing on the future will only get me to miss out on the beauty of the moment. Wish me lots of fun!

It is really hard to find the balance of how much you should/shouldn’t move when singing a song. It is easy to end up looking unnatural, stiff, or like one of those contestants who do too much dancing when they sing for American Idol.
As I work on a particular song, “I’m a Star,” that is exactly what I find myself toying with - what is too much and what is too little. Finding the organic movements that will let me fully be at the emotional height I feel when I sing the song. I heard that since I have a dance background, it is not unusual for me to have this struggle.

So, how do I find the perfect amount of movement? I work with an acting coach. Plain and simple. When I work with him, I find myself exploring things I never thought to explore. I feel myself hitting places that I didn’t realize I was holding back until the coach says something and it is brought out of me. Some movements that seem so awkward and unnatural can sometimes be the best choices.
If you think about it, as humans, we are hardly graceful all the time. We are human and can look awkward, but it is the feeling that comes from within that makes us move certain ways. The feeling that erupts from inside and gets us to move naturally at a high point - that is something work connecting to - especially when doing a musical theatre song.
Any thoughts? Do you have a different opinion?

Okay, by now, all the men out there probably cringed. Before I get into this very important topic, I am going to acknowledge the cringing men through a single statement. If men a period once a month, they would never stop complaining/bitching/moaning/talking about it. With that in mind, woman are very quiet.
As a woman, PMS completely messes with the body and the mind. We all know this. We get moody and feel gross. Also, our voice is more sensitive and we are forced to sing lighter and more cautiously. If there is any virus going around, we have to stock up on the vitamin C since we are more vulnerable. Any ache or pain we already have in our body increases. Our emotions start to soar and we find ourselves ready to cry at the drop of a penny. I get very paranoid. I start to feel like everyone is against. I mentally lock myself in a closet and feel all alone. Everything annoys the crap out of me. Patience becomes a foreign language.

As a performer, we have to be emotionally on all the time when on a gig. No one is perfect. It is definitely harder to stay on when it gets to that time of the month. What do I suggest? I suggest communicating and plenty of alone time. Sit with yourself and do small things that make you feel happy. Journal about your feelings and get them out to avoid lashing out at an innocent being. It takes extra effort to keep yourself centered. Don’t start blaming others for your erratic emotions. That will only cause more emotional trauma.

If you are pms-ing, there is a good chance you are rolling your eyes at this entire blog. Dude, slap yourself. You’re doing the pms thing. Force yourself to be open and put yourself in a better place. Trust me, it is so worth it and you deserve to be smiling on the inside and out.

Okay, first of all, you may be wondering why I am talking about “healing” in the first place. As performers, we build up all this emotional baggage. It is always good to explore ways to calm down and center ourselves. “Find that happy place.” So, why not read on and see if this tool may help you out when you are in a bad place.
I had never heard about this concept before. It doesn’t need to be done with instruments. The human voice is an easy way to heal with sound. Now, don’t think I am talking about singing, there is a difference.

A good way to get an idea of what I am talking about it is by applying this exercise. Close your eyes and let yourself become fully aware of how you are feeling. Then commit that into sound. Make noises that emit whatever you are feeling. Keep doing it until you naturally feel you have released the emotion. This doesn’t take as long as you would think.
I did this and let out sounds that expressed the tension I have been feeling. All of the stress that has been building up - I committed it to sound. When I had finished, I felt unbelievably better. I had released the tension. I may have to do it again and regularly. It was fantastic because I really felt healed.
I understand if you don’t want to do it around another person. I didn’t. I made sure I was all alone. I wanted to not judge any of the noises I would make and fully experience this unique way to heal.
What are you waiting for? Try it. If anything, it can really put you in a good place right before an audition or a show.

I remember the day when cell phones were not big at all. People would talk to people when they were at home. Now I can’t imagine to be “unreachable.” I remember when pagers were the huge thing. I never got into that because I thought it just was a waste. Life was so chill.
I did have plenty of friends who used a pager. Now those things seem like they are from the stone age. Craziness!
With constant travel and the need to be available at all times on the cell phone (who knows when Broadway will call), I found myself in search for the trick to manage my cell phone minutes so I wouldn’t have to worry about going over.

Then Verizon decided to lower the price for unlimited minutes. I jumped on it. It has made a huge difference in my business life. Yes, I do use my cell phone for work … probably more often than I use it for social matters. My biggest thing lately has been calling advertising agencies to find out if they have a department where I can submit my voiceover. As a performer, I really feel more and more allergic to all the food service and other random survivor jobs I have to do in-between jobs. I can’t stand them. As time passes, I feel like I only have room in my heart for the stage. Anything else feels like torture.
So, I am now beyond grateful for cell phones and the lower, more affordable unlimited minutes prices. It gets me so much closer to my dreams. Yay!

Okay, hearing those words would normally make my ears complete turn off whatever else had to be said, however, I found myself completely involved and interested in this concept. It is based off of the concepts from “The Secret.” If you are a traveling performer, you can have a mini shrine to bring with you everywhere.
This shrine would have little pieces of all your dreams, goals, and aspirations for life. It doesn’t need to a be a big deal. I have a dear friend who takes time out in the morning and then once in the evening with his shrine. He lights a candle and takes the time to focus and visualize each goal. As he does this, it puts him in a positive state of mind for the day and re-positions himself right before he goes to bed.
It was in the middle afternoon when I learned about this way to stay positive and I was eager to get started. I already travel with collages that help me visualize what I want from life. I picked up each small collage and really put energy into each dream. It felt so good. I honestly felt myself on that Broadway stage. The heat of the lights and the smiling face of a particular director I would love to direct me on Broadway. Yes, this is all about the laws of attraction. Even if you are not a believer in this concept, I highly recommend that you try this out simply because it feels so good.
Now I am smiling throughout my body and life simply couldn’t feel better.

What is most important to you? Do you know? Do you have it in an order or have you never fully thought about it? Do you fear the answer? In many ways, I feel like my order of importance list changes on a daily basis. With my love for the theatre, I do forget about the importance of my family and friends at times. It’s not a good thing and it is very true. And as my love for the stage grows, I get lost. Like I said, this is not a good.
My family is my homebase. They center me and we all love each other no matter what. Money cannot by that kind of love and I personally feel that it would be stupid of me to not keep my family at the top of my list. It can be like that with friends as well. At the same time, my family and dearest friends are not here with me, so I find myself engulfed in my work - my true love. The more time I spend away from my family and my friends, I forget. I am not saying that your order of importance has to be the same as mine. Absolutely not. But have you asked yourself this important question? Have you been wasting your time focusing on less important things? … just a thought …

It is hard to calm down if you think so much about your future. That is exactly what I do - I spend most of my day dwelling or taking the steps I can in the moment that can assure that I will reach my dreams. I get my sleep these days, but I having been waking up groggy. I get my 8 hours. I even had that eye twitch in my left eye a couple days ago. It was funny doing the show with that going on.
It’s the stress. I put too much on myself. I revolve around the same thoughts over and over. This repetition is not working for me. I get no resolve because “I can’t save the world in one day.” … but if I could, I would.
Do you go through this or not? If not, what do you do for yourself to not drive yourself mad? If you do relate, what do you do to get yourself out of this?

I got this poster that had this quote on it when I was a child. It made me confused. I didn’t get what it meant. I hung it up anyway because I was so proud I won it at a fair, but I really didn’t get it. I thought it was a misprint. … how fortelling ..
Ironically, this is something I struggle with - fully loving myself. I know myself pretty well, but there is still a lot I don’t know and don’t understand. The biggest one is how I am not one who wants to go out and party all the time. When I do go out, I have a good time. I do. But there are VERY FEW times when I want to be out so late.
I may have mentioned this before - I am a morning person. There are very few morning people in this business. In fact, it is more common to find nocturnals in show business. I am not one of them. It’s so easy to feel alone and find an excuse to feel alone. It can be addictive to surround yourself with self pity. How miserable. I don’t want anything to do with self pity. I am too good for it. And so are you. It would be understandable why I would feel “alone,” but where is that going to get me? You may have a different reason to feel sorry for yourself or wallow in self pity, but it is only detrimental to yourself and your career. How can you be at your best when you don’t embrace everything you see in the mirror.
So, now that I go over this quote that didn’t make sense to me years ago, I get it. I do. Now I’m working on applying it … just as you should. Why is it so wrong to like yourself for who you are?

You have to give yourself time off and I constantly forget that. I burned myself out. Yesterday was my day off and I wanted to get work done, only I couldn’t because I was completely burned out. I didn’t have it in me. By the end of the day, I got a sudden wind of energy and was able to work a little on my book about the life of nonunion musical theatre performers. I was typing up an interview I did and found myself getting a message I needed to hear. In response to a question (the question itself is not important), my interviewie went off subject and started talking about how “Everyone should have a life. They should hang out with friends and family. Make time for it.” As I typed up this response, I automatically applied it to myself. Dude, I don’t have a life outside of theatre in this cast. It all depends on the cast and on the demands of the job. I do things on my off time, but it’s mostly work - related. Social stuff? No, I am not as social as I would like to be, but I don’t really mesh with anyone in this cast. There are a couple people I would be interested in spending time with, however, these individuals have not shown the interest. On top of that, going out requires me to use my feet and spend money, which I don’t have, … I mean, I have my feet, but I’m still healing from my injury so it’s good for me to sit on my time off. I’ve been in a cast where we went out and did fun things together. It all happened naturally, I had a life, and I had a blast. I was still getting work done and was living in the perfect balance. Now, I just don’t have that going on with my cast. It is always a gamble. If I am “a loner,” I’m not going to sit on my butt and watch tv all day. No, I get work done. I might as well take advantage of the situation and I DO. It’s easy to say “have a life,” but in this field, the way you live your life all depends on the current cast and setting you are living in. Right now, it is not ideal for me, but who knows how things will work out in the future. If anything, I always put my job first (rest, relaxation, focus, dedication, etc.), then I figure out what works best for me to not lose try of my purpose. Am I making any sense?

… you are grateful? Have you ever gotten yourself so wrapped up in the moment where you found yourself completely overwhelmed by all the good your life that tears naturally started to fall? I only ask because this happened to me a couple days ago and it still rings strongly in my heart. In case you didn’t know, I suffered from a BAD foot injury. I have been SLOWLY healing from it, and I must add, that I’ve been pretty patient. Where does the gratitude come in? Well, I was in the shower and without even thinking, I went up to the balls of my feet (weight on both feet). When I put my heels down, I realized that I didn’t feel one bit of pain. To be having continuous pain for a pretty long amount of time - it starts to get hard to believe the pain will ever go away. I cried. I had this huge (probably really ugly) smile on my face. If you didn’t know why I was crying, you may have been concerned. The gratitude I felt and still feel from that realization was overwhelming. Frankly, I’m surprised I didn’t get on my knees and start shouting “Thank you, G-d” over and over. I suppose the tears said it all. I had never cried so hard because of my gratitude before. Have you?

It sucks, but sometimes it really is all about “who you know” in this business. I have seen shows where the girl who was to play the female ingenue couldn’t have been cast worse. She seemed like she could be a good dancer, but I’m not sure cause I really didn’t get to see her dance. But all her physical choices, were very graceful and not human. It was just plain bad casting. I’m sure the girl may possibly be talented … I didn’t see her shine in this show.
Do I get annoyed when this happens? Absolutely. Do I invest a lot of my time with my annoyance? No. I move on and focus more on how I can better myself as a performer and as a human being to get myself seen. I use my reaction as adrenaline to improve myself. Simultaneously, I am not the ingenue type, so it is easier for me to “get over it.” There is just so much talent out there. We all know it. It’s what makes us work harder for what we want … hopefully. Why not take something negative and turn it into a positive? There may be some mis-casting that goes on out there, but you have to get over it. Make the changes within yourself to put yourself above the situation.

NO! Get it out of your thick scull that there is an easy way to make money. It does make a difference when you love what your doing. You have to put in the work if you want to earn moeny. End of story. I have been one of the many desperate people who searches online for the “answer to my prayers.” It’s not out there. And the people who write about these easy ways to make money, make money from people like me reading the blogs. I am provide the writer site traffic and they therefore make a ton of money off of me. I’m not bitter, I’m just starting to really see the truth in all of this. Like most people in the US, I would love to make more money. Dude, lord knows I want a house on the beach. I repeat - ON THE BEACH, so it’s natural for me to want a higher income. If you are a fellow performer and in the business, let me ask you this? What risks do you plan to take in order to make money. Will you pay the requested 200 dollar fee to “process rebates?” Do you actually think the job you are trying to do is legitimate? If so, where is your proof? The writing on the website that’s sole purpose is to hook you in? Just think about it. There are better ways to make money.

On or off? I don’t like having to ask myself that question when seeing a fellow performer. Is the person planning to have a good day or a bad day? Does the person want to be left alone? Will the sound of my happy voice annoy you and give you reason to give me random attitude that I don’t deserve? If you haven’t guessed yet, I deal with this everyday with a different performer in the cast. It is annoying and obnoxious. I don’t think there is ever a good enough reason to throw an attitude towards someone who has not done anything to put you in a bad mood in the first place. If I was not in this business and did not have to worry about “burning bridges” and connections, I would soooooooo put these people in their place. A huge part of me misses when I was able to be like that - last time I remember I could be like that was in high school. Man, it felt good to be able to fully defend myself and smash people down. I know I may sound evil, but it felt good to value myself enough to put people down when they tried to tear me down. Actually, come to think of it, I dealt with rudeness less often. I think it was simply because people knew they would not get through stepping on me without a harsh reaction. But now, I like to think, that my silence and unending kindness, shows that I value myself even more now. My career. My passion. My heart. I stay “nice” when I am treated poorly because I value my future so much more than trying to let a person see what an asshole he is being. Waste of my time and energy. I guess you can say I am a fan of the tactic - “kill ‘em with kindness.”