We are a lucky cast. We had an understudy rehearsal yesterday and everyone was on top of it. It was comforting and impressive to see people step to the plate. I have so much appreciation for understudies and swings. If you don’t, you should. It is a hard job.
I got a taste of it this summer when I had to go into a dance track and found out I was doing so with little time before the show began. I told the cast that they would have to push me around so I would know where to go. They did and it was freakin insane! I was nervous, but acted like I was “confident” the entire time. It was hilarious and eye opening. Knowing full well of my situation, I still had a cast member give me attitude for not knowing where I was supposed to be. This is sad to say, but there will always be those people who don’t fully understand. It is easy to stay involved in your own, small performance world and lose consideration for others. i am not saying it is right, but I understand.
We had swings for our show who did this daily. I was so impressed by them after I did this. It made me want to hit myself for not understanding. But how can a person truly understand until he/she experiences it his/herself? I would not have a clue if it wasn’t for that experience.
Could you imagine jumping into a different role everyday? Or could you imagine jumping into two different roles in one day? Holy crap, right? Trust me, you can’t fully take it in until you actually experience it yourself. I don’t have any video me doing that show that day, but my memory is vivid.
I am grateful to be grateful.
A poor girl from our show hurt her neck. She tried her best to do what she could in the show, but in the end, none of it felt good. If it was me, it would be hard not to beat myself up for missing the show. I was very impressed by her knowledge not to push herself too far. It is easy for a performer to push through and force their bodies to perform when that is the last thing he/she should do.
She is missing tonights show because her body simply cannot do it. This is a perfect reason to miss a show. Sounds like a “duh,” I know, but it is hard to miss something that involves your passion.
I got to cover some of her dancing which gave me a great high. Love live theatre! I learned it quickly and then went over it OVER and OVER again. I have to do things over and over again in order for it to stick. I will have to do it again tonight to make sure it stays in my body.
And hey, if we run out of people to cover each other, we could always improvise …
Madonna. Britney Spears is not Madonna. Due to her last performance, she proved she was far from Madonna.
I remember when people were saying that Britney was the next Madonna. Madonna would NEVER mess up a show. She has stage presence and knows how to take awesome risks. I heard a cool story about Madonna. There was a fundraiser for aids or something years ago. At the end of the show, she was supposed to walk down the runway with a clothing designer. Without letting anyone know, she chose to wear very little clothing on top. By the time the producers realized she was going onstage with exposed breasts, it was too late. The cameras were flashing and she was “working it.”
I love that woman. She knows how to push buttons and start new trends. When she got into yoga, so did the rest of the world. When she started to get into Jew life (I can say that cause I am a Jew), so did many other celebrities.
Most importantly, Madonna was there for me in her music throughout my life. In grade school, I would live off of her music. “True Blue” was my favorite album. Favorite song from that album? Look below …
I need to think positive thoughts but never assume that I got the role. There is a difference. I do believe that good things will keep coming my way, but there is an underlying fear that if I believe in it too much, it may go away. I am highly sensitive in this great world of theatre and the arts in general. I feel very lucky to be living this path.
There are other things I would like to do, but only in another life. My other passions don’t come through as strongly as my love to perform. In fact, I would not call those other things “passions.” I would be more ready to refer to them as things I like to do in my spare time.
So now I am saying a prayer for my future in theatre. I want to be up there and on the big stage. I believe it will happen for me.
I can learn from myself. Check out this video. (very funny)
I fell. I fell hard in front of a huge audience. Despite all the obstacles, I automatically kept going. There was no question in my mind about stopping the show. I kept going.
And that’s what I plan to do.
I saw the non-union national tour of The Wedding Singer and was blown away.
Simply amazing. I was surprised to discover I also knew some people in the tour. One understudy got to go on as Linda and stole the show. The girl was amazing. I would not have known that she was the understudy. Totally fantastic. She was a star on that stage. The funny thing - I did not realize it was my friend who did the role until after the show. On top of that, I did not know my friend could sing like that … I only had the chance to hear her sing a more legit sound. That girl has such an amazing voice. I am so happy to have gone to the show simply to see my friend rock the house.
The show itself was very strong. I felt the ensemble really put their all in the show and represented non-union performers well. I felt like saying “See, there is some hot talent amongst us.” I hope the tour does well with ticket sales. Honestly, after seeing the show, I am surprised that the show closed on Broadway. It was entertaining, well choreographed, and smooth. I did feel the role of Holly was not written well at the top of the show. Okay, okay, so I ended up with one negative thing to say.
Doesn’t change the fact that everyone should go see it.
We have this casual cabaret for the cast on Saturdays weekly. I want to practice the duet I’m planning to do with a friend, but I fear that I may be overwhelming with how much I like to rehearse a song. Also, I would like to go over my motivation with the song. I fear other people’s opinions with how much I get into performing a song. For me, it doesn’t matter the size of the audience. It just means a lot for me to do my very best every time. I have the words memorized. I am still in the process of feeling accustomed to playing with this new, safe way of singing. I do have a tendency to over-analyze, but I also feel like if I do hold back from rehearsing, I won’t be doing what I like to do.
On another note, I get to see the tour of The Wedding Singer this evening. I will be racing with fellow cast members to make the evening show after this show ends. Yes, I am in the middle of a show right now. Can you believe it? I am writing in this blog now because I simply won’t have the time to do it later.
We are driving for three hours to see this show. Could you imagine if it was canceled? Regardless, it will be a fun, small adventure for the night.
I have been trying to book a gig in my January through March gap in 2008. I have also been in touch with other theatres in effort to continue my employment when finishing my gig in Florida in 2008. Yes, I am planning ahead as much as possible because I want to keep working. i am enjoying what I am doing and find myself growing internally as well as externally with each gig.
In this gig, I have learned and am still learning about acceptance. I am working on accepting that the industry is the way it is. There is no way to paint it. Sure - many people would like to be the leads in shows, but there are not enough jobs out there to let everyone be the lead. Those are not my words. It was spoken as words of advice from a new friend in this current cast. I have been speaking openly about my inner frustrations as a performer with cast members. I want to be understood. I want to hear a different answer rather than the answers that won’t simply GET ME THE JOB. I find myself impatient with my past, present, and future. I feel like time is running and I cannot keep up. Next year I will be a year older and in the ensemble! Aaack!
Breathe. There is so much for me to be grateful for … and I just keep ending up in the negative. No need. I keep working and moving forward in this industry I can’t live without. I wish I could tell people to cast me and they would cast me. That would be such a relief.
I have not worked long, but I thought it would be nice to quickly talk about theatres/companies I have worked with who I think are fabulous.
I will start with LimonCarr Productions. They are a team in California and they are “on it.” They helped me get my start in theatre and pretty much built my resume. They are fantastically efficient in the rehearsal process and put together clean, fun shows. I had an honor of working with Macys as a performer and I love that company. Mostly because of the people in the hiring department who direct the shows as well. They are professional, supportive, and it is impossible to naturally fall into good friendships with these people. I love Macys. My heart goes out to Disney because they gave me the opportunity to do insanely wonderful roles. They were the first company to believe that I had the ability to take on fabulous characters. It was with Disney where my confidence as a singer grew. I am forever grateful. At Circa 21, they were simply the theatre who hired me after a long, dry spell. It was such an honor to be back on the stage and not doing any “survivor” jobs for six months straight. It was also there where I made amazing friendships that will last a lifetime. Triarts! Love that place. I had so much fun, in that beautiful area last summer. I absolutely fell in love with the choreographer who was highly supportive of my career on the stage. Prathers. Professional, effecient, and I must say it - they treat their performers like family. They are faithful to their performers and will rehire. The shows they put up are freakin good and the regular performers with the company are true professionals. I must finish with Matt Davenport Productions. I don’t know if words can ever express how much I love this production company. Everyone should work for them. They are inspiring, they get all their performers to grow, they provide constant support, … they are a dream come true. If you don’t ever work for this company, you are cheating yourself.
Wow. I have just been put in an awkward situation where a person I have worked with in the past used my name as a reference. It just so happens that this person is one of the two people who are on my blacklist. Aack! I don’t want my name to be connected with this individual. Nor do I want to look like a jackass if I say too much. I just received some great advice from a great performer on how to go about it professionally and honestly. I will abide the rules of professionalism, but to be honest, it sucks to have to hold back. i don’t wish this “performer” on anyone. The person causes drama in the cast, is unbelievably good at brown-nosing, and is so false in all actions that it makes me want to vomit. Not literally, but close enough. Blech, blech, blech!
On another note, it is good to learn how to go about this professionallly. I have feared dealing with this and now the situation has presented itself. I must pace myself and breathe. Period. Think about it. What would you do if an awful person used your name as a way to get “in”?
I am blown away by this, but I will not say anything unless the producer mentions it to me. Also, I will limit my thoughts so I don’t make myself look unprofessional. Breathe, Jenna, breathe. Man, this has stressed me out a bit.
Seriously. I am over these allergies. It is awful feeling this kind of crappy in my throat. I just called my voice therapist and I have a lot of things to buy in order to help me with the symptoms. Right now, I am waiting to get notes and I can’t help but count down to get out of here. I am looking forward to having the time for myself to apply all the remedies she suggested. I really can’t wait until I fully learn how to be on top of all of this bull.
My voice - fine. That’s because I have the acid reflux under control. Apparently, it is officially allergy season here in PA. I thought I knew everything, but I don’t. I am still learning. At least I am still able to work healthfully.
On top of it, I am beyond sleepy. I am getting myself a mask to sleep with in case my mouth falls open while I sleep. I have found that my mouth drops open in the midst of my sleeping. I don’t want to make a scene of myself with all my hell bull. I swear, I am constantly learning. At least I have the help I need to take care of everything. That does account for something and is a huge help.\
We had our first tech day. We threw everything together at once - costumes, musicians, the scene changes (had to spike everything), and mics. Plus, it was our first time on the stage, so we were getting all the blocking reset. Here’s the good thing above all of this - I felt good about myself last night. i had this moment of clarity where I was grateful to be me. This is huge. I can easily go back into beating myself up in where I lack talent or a good personality. Last night, I did a darn good job at being positive towards myself. Feeling good about myself - that is simply a miracle.
This is all wonderful, but the real focus for today is 9-11. That is todays date and it really puts life in such a larger perspective. I was lucky to not have any family or friends hurt from this catastrophe. However, it had a worldwide effect. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like - to lose someone or experience the attack. Regardless of the time that has passed, today is still a sad day.
I would like to end this entry with the Serenity Prayer.
“G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
My heart goes out to those who have suffered. I pray that they have found even the smallest form of peace since this act of terror occurred.
It was a slow process that took the entire day. Yes, it was a day off from rehearsal, but inevitably, moving is not a real day off. It’s fine because I have accepted that I have no control over it. I lucked out by getting a room that has a bathroom. It’s chill between myself and my roomy, so I am happy with my living situation.
My worry lies in the fridge. We have 12 people in the household and only two fridges. That is REALLY not enough. Especially for me because most of my diet is fresh vegetables and fruit. I am making a point to shove all of my food onto one side in the small space, but it really is not enough space. I also cook my food and that will go in a tupperware container and take up more room. This is soooooooooo full of “oy veys.”
A dear friend visited me last night during the move-in process. It was nice to have him around. He made me feel safe in my new home. It would be nice to have him here, but I fear it would distract me from getting to know all the other cool people in the cast. I’m happy with how things are …
Can’t lie - I am really tempted to wake up a friend who is still asleep right now. I don’t know if he would kill me or what, but it just seems like fun. I may have to do it. Yeah, I think the chances of me bugging the dude is pretty good (heh, heh).
Exhausted. That is how I feel after getting food poisoning from the dinner at the theatre. It was free and tasted good. Not worth getting sick over. I have been sleeping and doing mostly nothing today. I would be asleep now, but we are moving into the cast house tomorrow and I have to re-pack. I have a voice lesson tomorrow and I could not be more grateful. I don’t know if I have been singing everything properly and I need to make sure I am sticking with a safe technique.
I truly enjoy my cast. I can safely say that I genuinely like each individual. I don’t find any need to get nit-picky about people. I like to celebrate the good in each person. Why not? I could easily focus on things that annoy me about a person, but that is a huge waste of energy. I have done that in the past. My tendency to obsess about things aided to the constant cycle of negativity. My way to prevent my mind from obsessing is to choose not to go there at all. It is so easy to be mean and make fun of a person. Why is that necessary? Does it really affect me? My next lesson to learn is to not judge those who choose to go that route. That is not my business. I have no control over other people’s actions and they have a right to their own opinion.
This is not something I am perfect at by all means, but I am working on it on a daily basis.
I have been doing my research on previous performances of Cabaret. This is the best performance I found.
Raul Esparza was a fantastic Emcee. He really made the part his own and commanded the stage. Both a vocalist and an actor, he was very comfortable with his body. He was not sleezy in a bad way. He was sleezy for the role and the audience got it. I watched other performances, thus far, done by other people who had the great opportunity to be on Broadway and they were not half as good.
I saw this on Broadway. I don’t remember who was in it because I was too busy flirting with a young guy working there. He was a stereotypical New Yorker from Brooklyn who worked construction. I went on a date with him and was accompanied by a friend in case he was a freak. It was not anything exciting. The fact that I went on a date with a random dude I met at a theatre - that was the great part. The date itself was dull.
That same summer I saw Aida.
This is why I am in theatre. It was such a stunning show. I remember being so moved. Watching the video clip is exciting, but live Wicked.
After watching these videos, need I say more.
I LOVE BROADWAY.
My allergies are going buck wild in Pennsylvania. As a vocalist, this is a huge obstacle. I breathe through my nose as much as possible which does lead to me socializing less. Fine. The way it would feel if I did not do this - I don’t want to imagine. Seriously, allergies straight up suck. I don’t like feeling any soreness or tickling in my throat and then singing on it. I feel a huge difference when I make the simple choice to breathe through my nose for an hour.
We are rehearsing in Warehouse that is full of dust, heat, and the pollen infested air PA has to offer. I show up fine and very quickly feel like butt as the day continues. This is something I am highly aware of, and I pray that it does not effect my performance in the rehearsal process. By the end of the evening, I was beyond grateful to almost be done with the night. I had a headache and a feverish feeling. Needed to just get out of that room. I found myself desperate to lay down and pass out.
IIn this video below, I can tell the cute kitty knows how I feel.
