Always Auditioning
When am I not auditioning. Even if I get a job, I find myself always having to show my best. There is never a break. It is hard, as a performer, to be “on” all the time. I have messed up and it truly sucks when I have - I beat myself up about things I have said and an action I took. I am 27 and I look young for my age. I’m blessed. Not so young that I could play a child, but I look good. If I thought I looked horrible and doubted myself, it would show at an audition. People want to see the full package. If I was unsure or insecure about something, it would show in an audition. I have to know who I am and take advantage.
I am a product, but I am human. Man, the mistakes I make along the way happen.
Here’s the current scoop on me. I sing, act, and dance. I am truly strong in all three. I have worked hard to get there, so I don’t act shy about that. Do I still have room to grow? Absolutely. That’s the beauty of it. Right now I have had to suck it up because I got a huge wake up call this summer in the middle of a gig. Swelling in the vocal folds. Initially, it was thought it was from singing incorrectly. Oh I felt like a donkey (put in appropriate word). That’s a huge sock in the heart to hear that you have hurt yourself in the throat. Later I discovered it was from bad acid reflux, allergies, and lack of sleep. This was resolved while doing voice and speech therapy in New York (still doing). Though I was relieved that it was not from singing incorrectly, the blow was done.
As a performer who’s daily life is an audition, this is something that should not be shared with the world. Who wants a performer who almost had even pre-nodes? So then, why am I putting this out there. Because there may be another performer who has gone through what I have been through and I want him/her to know that he/she is not alone. It’s rough and it’s my passion.
Though I am “always auditioning,” I want to make it a goal to be extremely open about my journey as a performer. Feel free to email me if you want to share any similar experiences in your life as you read on.
