Always Auditioning

I am learning. I must remind myself that when I come into class, I am learning.

I had a bad day outside of class. I came into class with full hatred of myself and I was having a hard time getting over my own self pity. I have always used what is going on within me and brought it to the stage. What happened? Well, in this light-hearted scene, it became a real downer instead. I was interrogating the sister I love (in the scene) with pure hatred and lost my love for her. It made the scene drag on and on. All the comic moments were lost. Though I was staying true to how I was really feeling inside, the whole purpose of the scene was lost.

At the end of the run - through, the beautiful Rhonda Musak asked me how I was feeling. I instantly (and was totally waiting for this) jumped into my horrible day speech. Rhonda was smart and cut me off. That’s not what she was looking for. Her focus was on the scene and what had worked. There was no point in talking about my own life. I was not in a therapy session. I wanted to go into a whole woe is me and luckily I was cut off and my time was not wasted.

It doesn’t mean it was easy. I bit my tongue and let my wonderful scene partner speak first as I collected myself. There was a lot that was working in the scene - I was just stuck in my own separate world of frustration that had nothing to do with what was going on in the scene. I quickly moved on because as much as I wanted to dwell on my own selfish, self pity, my inner desire to learn and grow as an actor was stronger. Thank G-d!

What do you think I learned more about? Action! I will never get tired of action. In the scene, I was focused on cleaning the patio (where the scene takes place). Because my focus was in the wrong place, the purpose and focus (action) of the scene was lost. I was mistaking action with only physical things. Action doesn’t always have to be me being physically active. What a great discovery! I don’t fully get the broadness of action, but slowly and surely, I will grow into a pro. Wahoo!

… if I didn’t get over my self-pity/loathing, I would have missed out on yet another great growing opportunity.