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A New Part of the Old Me

by Jenna Kantor

I am not older and 100 percent wiser. In fact, I have gone through a long journey just to get back to the child-like part of myself. I went through this “more mature” stage and completely lost this goofy part of myself. I thought that goofiness was so far from the real me. I just finished reading this great book called “Quarterlife Crisis.” It really helped me get more of an idea of the way I want to travel through this part of my life. Though I am still in the midst of my “Quarterlife Crisis,” I feel like I have figured out so much about myself at this point in time. After college, I was in denial about how much self-doubt I was suppressing. 3 years after college, I finally faced it and I found myself feeling so awful when I looked in the mirror. I came upon a 12 step program for food addiction. Since I had lost my ability to be happy on my own, this program had the answers I needed. I thought I would need to the program forever, but soon learned that in time, I would grow out of the program. I got so many things from this program and still carry it with me - spirituality, self - love, compassion for others, the virtue of silence, the beauty of my over-the-top personality, my passion for performing, and my overall desire to love. So, here I am. Living in the “now” and finding gratitude even if I am still recovering from an awful virus that likes to take it’s time to leave my body. How the heck can I be grateful? I feel like I see all my options ten times more clearly. I see what I want out of life and I see myself going for it with a clear direction. I see myself standing up for myself and simultaneously respecting others more. I totally mess up and am totally not perfect, but I learn from my mistakes and celebrate when I see myself in the same situation and not making the same mistake again. I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone, but I am at a great point of clarity in my life. It feels so good.


Posted in General on August 27th, 2008

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