Always Auditioning

Oh, my G-d! I just got my first great review. I have had some good reviews, but they were for small, bit parts, so the compliments were not anything I could use on my website. This time, however, I got such a great review. I cried. Honest to G-d, I cried. I would call my parents, but I don’t think I can because all I think it will do is get me to cry. It has made me so emotional. Last time I got a review, it was not great. The whole cast was supportive and said the reviewer was an idiot, but it still hurt me. I didn’t change my choices. Instead, I checked in to see what I was doing and make sure everything had purpose. I needed to make sure. Now, with a really nice, kind, and generous review, for the first time, I can hold my head up high. Eeek! I feel like crying again. I’m beyond grateful right now.

This is practically impossible. I am in the process of trying to find a monologue for an audition I have at the end of June. It needs to be comic. I have a great dramatic monologue, but this “comic” monologue I have is more dry. I am going for Fanny Brice and I want to show them that side of humor. Eeek! Instead of blogging yesterday, I was up late searching for some fantastic monologue. For anyone who knows, this is almost impossible to do. There was a monologue from “Funny Girl,” but it was mostly the lyrics to “I’m the Greatest Star.” Lame. Can’t use that …. as tempting as it may be … because it is such a well known song. The auditioners may find it ridiculous with me doing a song in monologue form. Actually, when I think about it, that may not be a bad idea. … I don’t know! Help! I am calling my acting teacher to get help.

I have watched a little bit of this new season. A lot of these dancers have the choice of doing theatre and it makes me thankful that I am a singer as well. I don’t know about you, but when I was in high school, I was in my prime as a ballerina and contemporary dancer. Now, I am a stronger jazz, broadway, and street dancer than I have ever been.
These dancers on the tv are everything good all at once. i find it to be simply amazing. Even if I had the talent, I would not go on this show. I have a very talented friend who had a great opportunity with the show. Got to Vegas or where-ever they have the dancers go. On tv, they showed this person doing a dance …. the rehearsal footage. Not the actual performance footage. Messed up. Right?
Yeah, reality tv and competitions in general is not a dream of mine.

My aunt just compared doing this show in Wisconsin to summer camp. At first, I just laughed and thought what she said was funny. But when I think about it, doing all these shows in different states is a lot like summer camp. I am put in a house with a bunch of other people who are here for the same, temporary reason. We all get to have fun doing what we love and our goals are generally the same. Sometimes there are group parties/activities. A couple weeks ago, we went on a fun canoeing trip. There are some weeks that are a little rough - when we have 9 shows. During those weeks, everyone is trying to pace him or herself. At the end of the week, we either have a small drunken fest at one of the cast houses, go out for karaoke, or go straight to bed. We generally see each other everyday.
Yeah, it is a lot like summer camp. The cool thing is that we are actually talking about going camping on one of our days off. I love it! It is so great how one person’s perspective can make a great twist on what I am doing. It makes me really see this whole gig for what it is - FUN!

Definitely not. I just saw “My Bloody Valentine,” a predictably horrible horror film and I enjoyed it. It entertained me and that’s what I wanted when I rented it.

I would categorize it under crappy scary movies, but I still enjoyed watching it. Why would I not want to do it? The biggest thing for me - random naked girls. I don’t want to be in a movie as a random naked girl. Even if I had a supporting role, it is usually the sidekicks who end up showing their breasts. I am not up for that. If anything is going to be shown, it has to be for a good reason. It has to be a ground-breaking reason because I do not want the entire world seeing my naked body. Plus, the scripts are usually unbelievably wretched. The plots are always the same and there is mostly screaming. I cannot imagine how tired my voice would be from all of the screaming.
I am not looking for a career in film right now. I am all for the stage, however, if I got a side job doing a film while I was able to continue pursuing my dream of Broadway, I would do it. … but I have my limits. I have my standards. I do not see horror films in my future.

As a dancer, I have pulled my hamstring twice from over stretching. I did it while I was a ballet dancer in high school. I was not born as the most flexible person. I remember all the other girls falling into their splits and me hovering over the ground and unable to even touch the floor. I tried to fall asleep in the splits. That was impossible because the pain was too great. I started to think that if I didn’t get that tearing feeling when I stretched, I wasn’t trying hard enough. I didn’t know that the tearing feeling was the last thing I wanted to feel.
It sucked once my hamstring was officially pulled on one side. It really limited what I could do in ballet class. I couldn’t kick my leg and my extension practice was non-existent. Over pushing my body to become more flexible only ended up slowing me down in my growth as a dancer. I am happy to say that I have not pulled anything since then. I have become very good at listening to my body. If I feel my body reacting to a stretch, I reduce or lay off a bit to prevent any over stretching.

This career is so much about how you look. If you are in any denial about this, get over it. For me, it has taken me a long time to accept my “look.” I have a big nose, slender body, long legs, short torso … I am not barbie. When wearing a dress, my legs make me look taller than I am; plus the way I carry myself (good posture from ballet training) gives me height as well. The truth is - I am 5′5″. For some people, I look sexy, for others I look like a tomboy, and sometimes just like a goofball. It all depends on how I dress.
When walking into an audition room, my look is immediately assessed and I am typed. When I open my mouth, I can change their typing a little, but usually no so much.
So, when you go into an audition room, know what you look like and know what you are selling. Don’t be afraid to get several opinions to figure out your look.

There is so much work to be done when I want to continuously promote myself as a performer and achieve the many other dreams I have in my life. A lot of the work I have to do can be monotonous and is done in front of the computer. It is slow and takes a lot of patience. Many times, just thinking about all that I have to do makes me not want to do it. … then comes the procrastination.
To motivate myself, I turn off the television. This is huge for me because I can lose weeks of my life just watching movies. Instead of watching all of the movies, I turn on some music. That’s it. I turn on music. Once the music is on, I am on a roll and it is fantastic. I want to do that for myself more often.
In case you didn’t know, I am working on a book about the life of nonunion performers. On top of that, I am job hunting for when I return to New York, seeking funding for my music, and working on my growth as an actor/singer. This all takes time and patience.
I have three full days off coming up again next week and I want to take advantage of it. Last week, I did get many interviews done for my book, but that’s it. Everything else just didn’t happen. Kind of sad, but true. I do not like admitting my procrastination, but I do find that when I put it out there, it gets me motivated too turn off that lame television.
Wish me luck!

There is something to be said for just dancing for fun. Why not? You only live once, right? Well, in my case, I love to dance for the fun of it. If I don’t, I forget what got me into it as a profession in the first place. Clubbing is one way and going to dance class is another way to reconnect. When I say dance class, I am not talking about ballet class. Forget that. I am over the technical stuff. I have had so many injuries from ballet. I’m at a point where it really hurts my body to take a ballet class. So, now I go and take hip hop. I could do jazz or lyrical or modern, but right now, I don’t crave those dance forms. Hip hop calls to me and I love doing it. At clubs, that’s where I can dance my face off with my friends. It’s a great release and I learn just by watching other people move.
My point? Dancing is fun. Don’t forget it.

It is kind of ridiculous these days. It seems that reality tv is the way to become famous. I was just talking to a friend about this today. There are hardly any new stars on the Broadway stage alone these days. And those stars? How did they get chosen to be the next star?
The web has really changed things for performers. On youtube alone, a person can gain notoriety with clips of themselves singing. One very talented performer got known from a clip of herself singing “I’m A Star.” Through the grapevine, I heard this great performer is now doing Elphaba on the “Wicked” tour. If she did not have her stuff on youtube, I do not know if she would be where she is without youtube. Melissa from “The Bachelor” has now been on two reality shows. I am a huge fan of hers, but all she has really done is be on a reality show where I feel like I can personally relate to her. Is she a great singer/broadway star? No.
The way to become famous these days - it has totally changed. It seems like reality tv and the internet have become the way to go. Craziness!

Sometimes not everyone is going to accept who I am. It is such a shame because I really am one of those naive people who wants to get along with everyone. That would be amazing. I would be great friends with every person I get to work with, but I know that is not possible. … but there is this huge air of hope within me that always prays that it will happen.
Simultaneously, I am not one to accept all people. It goes both ways. I definitely get annoyed with people and can be quick to judge once a person hits me the wrong way.
It goes both ways.
Yes, I am going through something right now with a person in my cast I truly like … so it totally sucks. I pray that things work out because I really like this person.

I am watching American Idol right now and I adore these finalists for two completely different reasons.

Adam Lambert is a great show man with a rockin voice. When he sings, I feel his energy through the tv. He is such a genius with putting on a show. As much as I am a fan of him as a performer, I would not be interested in buying his album. I would, however, totally go see him if he went on tour. Seeing him perform would be a great inspiration.

Kris Allen sings the kind of music I listen to at home. He is that singer-songwriter type that I absolutely love. There is no doubt that he is a handsome guy, but it is his sound and soul that calls to me. I would buy his album.

In the end, I could not choose between the two performers. They are fabulous!

Yesterday, at the start of the show, I found myself quickly tearing up. I had friends in the audience (a rare pleasure to have friends in the audience when performing out of New York). As soon as I entered, they clapped and cheered for me. It was such a great feeling and the tears just started to fall out naturally. They were those rare happy tears. I was on the stage so I really couldn’t let go completely and focused on keeping myself together.
Later in the day, I found myself tearing up again mid conversation. At the moment, I can’t remember what it was that made me so happy, but I do remember they were tears of gratitude. I am seeing some of the beautiful things in my life and it fills me up with this joyful energy.
It’s such a blessing to be crying about what I do/my life because my gratitude is so huge.

I am in love with the music from soundtracks. I am not talking about the music with lyrics that are played on the radio. In my mind, I love the background music that pulls out the emotion and feelings in a scene. Here is a list a great soundtracks that really keep me inspired:

1. Last of the Mohicans
2. Legends of the Fall
3. Harry Potter
4. Only You
5. The Piano
6. Schindlers List
7. Crazy in Alabama
8. The Gladiator
9. August Rush
10. Braveheart
11. Twilight (the background music is beautiful)

You ever have that one person in the cast you just can’t stand? I know we have all been there. I am going to talk about it.
In most cases, the person I dislike is bad-intentioned. Those people who bring down others to make themselves feel better. Yeah, I am not a fan of those people. I never feel bad about my lack of patience with their bad attitude and fake behavior. Luckily, I have only met a handful of these people while I have been in the business.
Then, there are those performers I cannot stand who have a lot of good intentions. I just can’t stand them. In some cases, it can get so bad where I cannot handle the sound of a person’s voice. Admitting this makes me feel awful because it only makes me the asshole. … but it is how I feel sometimes. What do I do when a personality does not work for me? I stay away from that person as much as possible. I avoid the person like the plague. I still need to learn how to stop talking about the person over and over with friends. Even though they understand my frustration, my complaints can quickly get old. … and the poor person who simply annoys me in every way - he or she doesn’t deserve my negativity.
It is so hard to be a great co-worker when my patience gets lost. I need to work on that.