Always Auditioning

It is my belief that it is easier to work with people when I have good intentions. Yes, there are times when I may be understood, but overall, if my intentions are positive and considerate, how can I go wrong? If anything, I think my good intentions can only naturally bring more great friendships into my life.

It is not so easy to tell when a person is not liking me. I have learned that many people hide it well. It is my gut instinct that tells me it may be a good idea to check in with an individual. If that person doesn’t like that, I stay away. I stay far away until the person is ready to speak with me. Many times, I have learned that it doesn’t have anything to do with me and sometimes it does - and I don’t have a clue why.
So what do I do? Communicate and then back off. Though it may not always work, I continue to hope that my good intentions will become clear and all will work out.
P.S. Do not think that I am going through any hard times right now. I really have been lucky to be working with such a spectacular cast. … just brought up this subject cause I thought it was a good/important one to discuss.

Man, I have some weird cramp in my ribs that happened after lugging around a huge load of audition materials a day in New York in March. I am stretching it today. I think I upset a nerve that gets easily irritated if I bend a certain way.
What does this mean? It means I have to care for my body. I did not get this during the show and lord knows I will not be covered for this medically while I am here. So, I have to really care for myself until I can get myself checked up when I get back in New York in July.
It is scary to be in this position.
Tonight, I am going to get some great sleep. I am going to pray that my body remains in great health and I that I continue to care for it properly.

I remember when American Idol first started in the US. I didn’t know much about it and heard about it from other performers. A way to become a star through a competition? That sounded ridiculous and unbelievable to me. How could that be possible in this industry? With American Idol, it has proven to be possible. To stay continually famous, well, that is a whole other thing to conquer.

Would I go on American Idol? Would you go on American Idol? Personally, it would be a huge NO. I do not want to put my trust in American media. They could make me out to be a bitch and they could highlight my bad performances all the time. It is all up to the media. How would they want me to be? I could get a truly bad rep from that show and be ruined for life. It is not worth the risk.

Come to think of it, I am totally a showmance girl. A showmance is a romance that runs only for the duration of a show with a fellow cast member. I am single and have been single for a long time. I am totally a person who puts myself out there in shows. I am usually not looking for something temporary. In all honesty, I am always hoping that the guy I am crushing on will be the one. I don’t like being single despite how independent I am. I can’t cuddle with myself!
In this show, it is looking like I will not have a showmance. A bit of a bummer because I have grown used to always having one even if it doesn’t last. I guess my focus in this show will be different - friends. Hey, that sounds great to me cause I love the cast.

… for a show. Love doing it, but sometimes, ironically, others will not feel the same way and can get annoyed by my gratitude. Right now, I am working with a great cast and get to portray an admirable human being on the stage. I get to sing lyrics that give a great message and watch the audience light up when they feel like a part of the positive energy. In this cast, I can turn to others and we all feel the same way. We absolutely love what we are doing. It’s great!
In the past, it has not always been the same. It feels like a job and the love for what the cast is doing as a whole is gone. It’s such a shame.
This is so much more than a job for me. I truly love this. I love every part of what I am doing.

Check it out! 6 new posts I wrote while I was away from the computer during tech week. Fun!

I love performing on a rainy day!

Growing up, I was a ballerina only. I remember rehearsing for the Nutcracker from a young girl through high school while it was raining outside. I loved the sound of the rain as I trained in my point shoes. Hearing the water fall on the roof of the studio, made me feel more at home. It gave me more of a sense of focus.
Today, it is not only raining, there is also some thunder and lightening. I love it! I have two shows today and I hope we can hear the weather while we do the show. Even just the simple sounds of rain will be very comforting to me. I wonder if there is something scientifically proven about rain affecting a person’s performance.

… I am going to look it up, so give me a sec …

Hmmm… didn’t find anything written that really caught my eye, but I did find this cool clip from youtube with the sound of rain and thunder. What do you think?

Not so easy. It takes so much focus and practice. Every time I get my period, I have to sing lightly and it is like relearning how to sing. I still sing and I am still very audible … it’s only lighter on my chords. I did very well with my voice yesterday with my vocal care in the show. I talked a bit more than I should, but overall, my voice felt very cared for.
I did drink a lot of fluids. The plain, hot water felt the best on my voice. I also ate meals that helped calm my body. It felt like a throat massage as the warmth of the water ran through my chords.
On top of all of this, enough sleep is a necessity as well. I have to make sure that I get enough rest. The body works best when it gets enough sleep.
Dude, while writing this blog, I get kind of sad cause I clearly remember how much easier my life was when I was younger and my body could take anything. It was like it was super resilient to anything. I didn’t have to think about singing lightly. If I felt like singing, I just sang. There was no extra thought necessary.
…now I think about it to the extent that I blog about it? It may be responsible in a good way, but I do think it is depressing as well.

Here’s a funny clip of these guys demonstrating what vocal chords do when the voice is not used carefully … and a person yells:

… I never thought I would say this, but I have fallen in love with “High School Musical.”

Over the rehearsal period, I have memorized the lyrics and fallen in love with the message. There is such positivity and inspirational stuff throughout the show. The lyrics have something that people of all ages can understand.

It is still not a movie I would want to watch all the time, but the music is fabulous. I do hope that the day I have kids, they get into it. It’s a clean and appropriate show that is great for children.

We had a preview last night and the kids were screaming and went completely crazy at the end of the show. It was fabulous! I wanted to go out there and hug all of the kids. One child, would say “bye bye” in an adorable whisper every time a person passed her on an exit. Adorable. While we sang out final note/word “star” (so disney), I got such a high as the crowd went completely wild. It was such a great shared experience with the audience.

I would love to do the other two shows after this experience, but don’t know if I would be so lucky to play Martha Cox again. I got her role by luck because I technically am not fully her type. … but it is always worth a shot!

Such a pain in my butt! Whether I am auditioning, rehearsing, or performing, my period always gets in the way. Usually, on the first day, I have these awful cramps and lay curled up in a ball from the sucky pain. If I had a choice, I would be quiet and in bed all day. That is what my body is begging me to do. Sometimes, in NY, I am able to do this for myself and it makes a huge difference.
At the moment, this is not an option. Instead, I smile and work through it. I do my best not to complain cause that only gets more annoying for other ears. I sing lighter and I listen to my body as I dance. If a huge cramp comes along in the middle of something, I just try to go a little easier on myself. The body is not supporting itself as properly when it’s the time of the month. It’s scientifically proven.
Even though my body would rather be in bed, my mind would rather be on the stage. I still get the great high from performing in front of an audience. To me, that great experience can only happen on stage.
So, yes, I am on my period and I miss my bed, however, I am beyond grateful to get to perform tonight.

Well, the wonderful show I am in is about to open tomorrow. We had our final dress without our audience and I feel ready to roll.
In this particular show, I am really enjoying myself. The cast is talented, focused, and inspirational. I love watching each person shine as he or she does her best on the stage. I love all of my costumes and the lady who designed them. I love the entire production staff who stayed up most of the night to get the show together.
To show our mutual appreciation, the cast bought some food for the staff to snack on overnight. We all signed thank you cards. I love it!
I have been in some casts where this did not happen. Why is that? It is so great when people show appreciation and thanks to one another. I really love it. Showing gratitude is a wonderful thing!
After being in this cast, I want to make it a new goal to always put an effort to give out thank you cards and snacks to the hard workers during tech week. Why not? It’s not that expensive and it only makes other people happy. It’s impossible to lose and I love it!
To end this blog, I would like to personally send out my love to all people in tech week at the same time. Even if your journey may be a little rough, you are going to give something beautiful to future audiences - YOU!

Wearing costumes can be so much fun in my line of work, however, if I gain any weight, I not only see it - everyone else sees it. I often get cast in roles where I wear tight fitting outfits. Several times, my midsection is shown so I put on the pressure to really stay in shape. The funny thing - I already am in shape.
Does this stop me from over evaluating my body and disliking myself? Nope. On a good day, it does, but then I feel this urge to binge (I can always find a new reason to binge). On a bad day, if I feel crappy about myself, the urge usually isn’t there.
I did this one show for Mickey Mouse years ago. I had to wear a mid-drift as one of my roles. I remember practicing and memorizing how to suck in my stomach when I went to greet people so my abs would look the way I preferred. This was awhile ago and I did not have as many ridiculous issues with my body as I do now. Back then, I had a much stronger love for my body. I had a faith that I was going to stay thin and I did. I was not on any kind of diet plan. I just didn’t eat as much crap and new I would stay in shape.

Where did all that confidence go? Lately, when I get into costume, I communicate with the costume designer in such a way so I acknowledge my abusive mind. I make choices that will aid in self love because I am so good at the opposite.
Getting into costume is just not as simple as it used to be.

So sorry. Just opened a show and am finishing up opening weekend. By today, I will be posting a lot of blogs in a row to make up for my time missed.

Have a great day!

It is funny cause when I am working in a small town, I look forward to my days off because I can get a lot of self promotion work done. It is hard to do it while I am in NY with a hectic schedule. At the moment, however, I am just plain exhausted and really did need the down time to recover. My body needed the down time and it was very obvious how necessary it was. I have slept so much on the short time off. … and I still feel like I could use more sleep. Despite my sleeping, I have learned very quickly how easy it is to get bored on my days off if I don’t have something to do. With the economy as it is, I cannot afford to do lavish things. I need to save what I make and spend wisely. So, in a small town, there just isn’t much to do.
It is funny how I didn’t need that much time off to get bored. … on my next days off, I will have a lot of things planned and will avoid boredom.

Here is what some other people do when they are bored:

I don’t think I have ever really written about this - but I am not normal around food. This makes it harder when I am in casts at times because sometimes I just can’t go out to eat because I pretty much know it will lead to a huge binge. The other day, a wise person said, “Just don’t do it.” … it’s not that easy. It’s easy for someone without an eating disorder … but I have one. I binge. I binge REALLY BADLY. It is embarrassing to talk to people about it if they don’t understand. Simultaneously, I feel that people can see right through me. So, I am very open about my eating issues and what is going on in my mind. To further aid my mental issues with food, I write a blog - eatingdisordertalk.com.
What does this have to do with performing? Well, I am reading a great book called “Acting is a Job” and the author made a statement saying that most performers have an eating disorder.