Always Auditioning

I am leaving on a jet plane this Sunday for Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin, and I am super excited and stressed out at the same time.
I don’t know about any of the other performers out there, but it is super hard to find people to sublet apartments these days. There is more supply and less demand. On top of it, the prices have decreased and therefore, I am not getting paid what my apartment is worth. That alone is a real bummer.
So, here I am with days before I have to leave my apartment and I still have indecisive people. I don’t like it. I have to post an ad on craigslist yet again. Will someone just take this stress off my back and sublet my apartment?
I am excited about my next gig, really excited! But this stress with finding a subtenant, man, this really sucks. I don’t like it. I just want it to all be done and over-with.
Know anyone who is looking?

Allen Zwerdling, a former actor and producer who co-founded Back Stage, the weekly trade paper cherished by rising performers who are eager to find casting notices, died Jan. 12 at his home in Rosendale, NY, according to The New York Times.

He was 86. Mr. Zwerdling founded Back Stage in 1960 with Ira Eaker. Both men had worked at the publication Show Business. (Ad man Eaker died in 2002.)

Mr. Zwerdling was born in Brooklyn. His father was in the wholesale produce business. He was a child actor with the Players Guild of Manhattan. After serving in the U.S. Air Force Special Services in World War II, 1942-45, during which time he produced and directed 95 shows for servicemen, he was producer-director for the American Players in Zurich, Switzerland, and assistant to the director of the Zurich State Theatre (1946-47). He was also director of the Kansas City Resident Theatre (1947-48).

Between 1948-60, Mr. Zwerdling worked for eight theatrical periodicals, and his writing appeared in many newspapers. He also wrote plays. He was a writer and editor at Show Business before he started Back Stage.

Back Stage — which was sold to Billboard Publications in 1986 — has a current circulation of 32,000, a spinoff publication (Back Stage West, based in Los Angeles) and a website.

Mr. Zwerdling, who retired to a farm, is survived by daughters Sherry Zwerdling of Key West, FL, and Jan Heyes of Topanga Canyon, CA; son Gary Zwerdling of Rosendale; and a grandson. His wife since 1946, Shirley M. Zwerdling, died in 2008.

There is always going to be “competition.” Don’t focus on it. Focus on your own growth. If you get into the world of competition, you will miss out on giving your best auditions. Instead, you will sit in the waiting room listening and comparing yourself to others. You will be internally criticizing anything other people have to say about themselves or basking in pure jealousy because other people seem much more flexible that yourself. Snap out of it! Competition is a waste of time as a performer. Yes, there are competitions with awards, but none of it has to do with Broadway (Legally Blonde & Grease were one of those rare opportunities).

Overall, you have to focus on yourself. That is the healthiest way to be to yourself. Focus on your own plate and you will rock your auditions even more. You will be more in tune with what is going on in your head and your body. By focussing on myself at an audition, I find myself often leaving the main waiting room and doing yoga privately in a corner. I keep myself centered and calm. Being around all the chatter and excitement in an audition room is personally a bit too much for me.

I wish I was at the Opening for 9 to 5. Shoot! I wish I had the money or the stature to get free tickets to see the show. I wish I wasn’t working all the time so that I had the time to freakin go. If you hadn’t guessed, I did not attend the opening of 9 to 5 and I totally wish I was there.

I really liked the discussion from youtube’s Ryan Oconnor’s show. The way he and his fabulous guest spoke about the whole scene - I felt like I was almost there. I know, I know, I was not there. But to hear all those juicy details of the set malfunctioning … super cool! I love the fact that Dolly Parton got up and sang 9 to 5 for the audience. That is fabulous! Man, it sucks when things go wrong in theatre, but with the whole concept of “the show must go on,” anything can happen. That’s what makes it so much fun.

That song that Stephanie J Block sings - amazing. Wow. Love it and I know that many people will want to sing it. … so to all you newcomers in New York, don’t sing that song. Do your research and use things that are not used that often. You want to stand out. Right now, they have these great Broadway stars in mind when you sing it (no matter how fabulous you are).

I saw this article in Yahoo Finance and it really helped me catch my breath:

“Financial experts say recession ends by year’s end
Financial experts predict economic turnaround by year’s end

* David Pitt, AP Personal Finance Writer
* Tuesday March 24, 2009, 5:48 pm EDT

A group of financial wizards looked into their crystal ball Tuesday and saw some good news.

The recession will ease by the end of this year and companies will begin adding workers, signaling the end of the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression.

It was the 64th day of the Obama administration and Chicago-based Dow Jones Indexes assembled a group of financial experts to assess the impact of government actions, whether they will work to stem the recession and what opportunities that might present investors.

The recession has affected every region of the country and nearly every sector of the economy, said Gus Faucher, director of macroeconomics at Moody’s Economy.com, which conducts independent research and provides economic forecasts.

“It’s really unprecedented in the U.S. to have nearly the entire country in a recession simultaneously,” he said.

The good news is there’s an end in sight.

The economy will pull out of the recession at the end of this year, marking a duration of 24 months, about twice as long as the average post-World War II recession, Faucher said.

The unemployment rate is expected to peak at nearly 10 percent in the first half of 2010. Without the $787 billion government stimulus package, he estimated job losses would have continued into the second half of the year and peaked at about 12 percent.

“That would take what is now a severe recession and actually turn it into a deep depression,” he said. “We think the fiscal stimulus package is vital in turning around attitudes toward the economy.”

He said we are at or near a stock market bottom and stock prices should soon stabilize.

That certainly wasn’t the case so far this week. The Dow Jones industrial average gained 498 points on Monday but dropped 115 points, or 1.5 percent, on Tuesday.

Home sales will turn around by midyear and home prices will begin recovering by the end of this year after bottoming out at 35 percent of their value from peak to trough. Home prices won’t return to their values of a few years ago during the boom, but will recover from current lows, he said.

Banks will likely begin seeing improvement in capital as the government program to remove bad assets kicks in and the Federal Reserve provides more economic support. Faucher predicted major bank and financial services company failures will abate in the second half of this year and credit will begin to move again.

Those improvements and additional government spending will provide investors some opportunities in companies that own bridges, toll roads and utilities. It also will drive growth in areas of green energy production.

The stimulus package will spend $50 billion on roads, bridges, utilities and other infrastructure, said Craig Noble, portfolio manager, for Brookfield Redding LLC, a Chicago-based investment manager of global real estate and infrastructure securities.

He sees a potential sweet spot for investors in companies that own the assets that will benefit from the needed spending. He said the stimulus package is only a small portion of government spending on transportation and utilities. Congress must reauthorize this year a multiyear transportation bill that provides hundreds of billions of dollars in spending and sets priorities for the next five years or more.

“The infrastructure class currently offers a unique and compelling investment case with trillions needed to be spend across the globe in coming years,” he said.

Stimulus packages rolled out in Canada, Europe, Australia, South America and China show the global nature of the infrastructure asset class, he said.

Obama administration polices that emphasize renewable energy such as wind power will also push billions of dollars into building electricity-carrying power lines and the towers to hold them. That construction is needed to carry wind power from expanding wind turbine farms in the Midwest to population centers in the Eastern United States.

Personal Finance Writer David Pitt reported from Des Moines, Iowa.”

I just had a voice lesson with my teacher. It was a great lesson where I was learning so much more I could do to improve in certain songs. Close to the end of the lesson, after I had just finished working through a song with her, I got the best compliment ever. “Since you have really taken the time to study, your voice has really improved drastically. You have gained and learned so many more tricks and tools.” I wanted to jump around with joy. My hard work is already showing! It makes me want to continue my work. That was a great compliment because … well, it was just so nice of her to say that … and it’s good to know that what I have been doing - it’s working! Thank the lord! Now I feel even more motivated by what she had said. She is an honest, very intelligent, and fabulous woman. Hearing that from someone I admire so much means the world to me. Man, just sitting here now makes me want to cry. I have been a stressed out maniac - always questioning if I was doing enough. I am so happy right now.

Here was a review I found online. I personally do not like the review and want only good press for shows these days. The theatre needs an audience and deserves it gosh darn it:

This Wizard of Oz hasn’t decided whether it’s a Broadway musical (truth to tell, it’s never been near Broadway) or a children’s show (the cast uses more than a dozen local “Munchkins”). But it’s marketed as the former, and tickets (as much as $65) are priced just like other Broadway Across America shows at the Aronoff. This Wizard is too familiar for most adults and way too long for kids.

The charming source material provides occasionally entertaining moments, including a scary depiction of the storm with the farmhouse swirling away to Oz. This is a non-Equity tour (the performers are not members of the professional actors union). As Dorothy, Cassie Okenka is just adequate, but her companions — Noah Aberlin as the loose-limbed Scarecrow, Chris Kind as the clanking Tinman and Jason Simon as the Cowardly Lion — truly remind us of their familiar characters.

The farmhands have coy lines (about intelligence, soul and bravery) in the opening scene to nudge us regarding characters they’ll soon play. We’re offered a few references to current Broadway hits, like Lion King. But most of this show is a soulless hodge-podge that needs to be shortened.

Some kids on opening night enjoyed The Wizard of Oz with wide-eyed wonder. But just as many talked, fussed and whined, especially as 10 p.m. came and went. I’m not sure whom this show was intended to please.

I am learning. I must remind myself that when I come into class, I am learning.

I had a bad day outside of class. I came into class with full hatred of myself and I was having a hard time getting over my own self pity. I have always used what is going on within me and brought it to the stage. What happened? Well, in this light-hearted scene, it became a real downer instead. I was interrogating the sister I love (in the scene) with pure hatred and lost my love for her. It made the scene drag on and on. All the comic moments were lost. Though I was staying true to how I was really feeling inside, the whole purpose of the scene was lost.

At the end of the run - through, the beautiful Rhonda Musak asked me how I was feeling. I instantly (and was totally waiting for this) jumped into my horrible day speech. Rhonda was smart and cut me off. That’s not what she was looking for. Her focus was on the scene and what had worked. There was no point in talking about my own life. I was not in a therapy session. I wanted to go into a whole woe is me and luckily I was cut off and my time was not wasted.

It doesn’t mean it was easy. I bit my tongue and let my wonderful scene partner speak first as I collected myself. There was a lot that was working in the scene - I was just stuck in my own separate world of frustration that had nothing to do with what was going on in the scene. I quickly moved on because as much as I wanted to dwell on my own selfish, self pity, my inner desire to learn and grow as an actor was stronger. Thank G-d!

What do you think I learned more about? Action! I will never get tired of action. In the scene, I was focused on cleaning the patio (where the scene takes place). Because my focus was in the wrong place, the purpose and focus (action) of the scene was lost. I was mistaking action with only physical things. Action doesn’t always have to be me being physically active. What a great discovery! I don’t fully get the broadness of action, but slowly and surely, I will grow into a pro. Wahoo!

… if I didn’t get over my self-pity/loathing, I would have missed out on yet another great growing opportunity.

Have you ever wondered what the stars of Broadway are doing when they are not in a Broadway show? I never really thought about it until I read on playbill.com that the fabulous Espinosa is going to be singing at Joe’s pub tonight. Sweet!

What about Bernadette Peters? Is she spending time with the family? Or writing a book? There are countless Broadway stars who are technically out of work, unless they are taking a break from the business. But to my understanding, if you are really into this business, you can only take a break for so long. The hunger creeps back in and it is impossible to ignore. The need to perform becomes a must.
I want these talented and inspiring people to be on the stage. I want them to continue sharing their gift with the world, but in this economy and the ways of this unpredictable and uncontrollable business, I guess there is no way to really assure any performer will work consistently.
I have googling and can’t figure out what these Broadway stars are doing now. It’s like as soon as they are out of a show, they are out of the media spotlight. That sucks. I would like to know “what are they doing now?”

I really do miss doing the Disney shows.

There production value was way up there. It felt like no expense was spared to make sure the show was a huge spectacle for sure. Also, the training for each role I did was in great depth. They really helped me become these amazing, highly identifiable characters. It was an honor to become these people.

I got to be the princess I always wanted to be. I got to work with a cast of talent of such talent I always dreamed to work with. Each person was cast for a different track. I felt it was such a huge honor to be amongst such a highly capable group of people. I may not have love the ship life, but I always loved the shows. The shows are what got me through any hard times.

I miss feeling like I was being used to my ultimate potential. I miss the costumes themselves. Putting on the wig for Cruella was fun every time. I never wanted to get out of that costume. It felt like such an honorable outfit to wear. It made me feel confident and on top of the world. I miss that feeling. I miss working for and with Disney.

I am in training. Plain and simple. I am training to bring my talent to another level and that all excites me. It also stresses me out. I make sure that I get in my daily exercises for acting, singing, and dancing. It takes 1/2 hour to do my acting stuff. Another Half hour for my voice (sometimes a little longer) and then 45 minutes to an hour to do my yoga. Those are the basic things I do to keep myself in shape on my own. It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes a space. I do not have an affordable (free) space to do my daily training in Manhattan. I still have yet to really find a place. My home is a great place to get my work done, but it is totally out the city. It kind of stops me from getting many things done in the city and can become quite annoying. This training is endless but right now, I want to be really diligent in this growing process. Does anyone have any suggestions on spaces where I can train regularly and it won’t cost a dime? I know it sounds ridiculous, but I could really use the space. Man, when I say that out loud I feel totally ridiculous and I want to make fun of myself.

Okay, so I am finally doing this. I am finally doing what is known to be very hard and totally time consuming. I still have yet to find a monologue that is completely perfect for me, so I am on the hunt. The whole point it to read plays. You have to read and keep on reading. Constantly researching what is out there.
I didn’t know where or how to being when I started this task. To me, this is a big thing to take on and I was totally right. I knew I had time today to go to the Lincoln Library in Manhattan. Good to have the time, but I really didn’t know where or how to being. So, what did I do? I called up an actor friend and asked for his recommendations on authors who write for women. I wrote down all the authors names he suggested and decided to focus on one playwright at a time.
In this case, I chose Wendy Wasserstein. She is a comtemporary playwright who has great female roles. I got every play of hers I could find at the library: The Heidi Chronicles, Uncommon Women and Others, Isn’t It Romantic, The Sisters Rosenweig, An American Daughter, and Old Money. I know, I know, it is a lot to take on all at once, but to me, it is all very possible. With these plays, I have to read them before I leave for Wisconsin. That gives me three weeks. Each play is approximately 100 pages long. So, how am I spacing/working it all out. I am doing two plays per week. Actually, it can be less than a week. I am technically reading 20 pages out of two plays everyday. I would do 40 pages in one play, but I find that I don’t have the attention span to go that long in one play.
At the end of my reading of each play, I am going to write out the different characters in each play and a brief summary of the play. If there is a monologue done by a character that is great for me, I will photo copy that monologue and write out the character in great detail.
I don’t want to just read plays and move onto the next one. I know I will not be able to remember all the sordid details of these plays and it will be in my best interest to have these outlines made. I may not find a monologue in a play, but I will always be increasing my knowledge of what is out there.

I was at Broadway Dance watching some amazing hip hop dancers in rehearsal. I was in awe and loving every minute of it. A person was standing next to me and enjoying it as much I was. We somehow got into a light conversation about hip hop … and then this dude says, “Do you know who I am?” In my head, I thought, “Oh, no. This guy is a teacher and thinks he is G-ds gift.” I was right. “I’m a teacher here.” He then went into this long speech to teach and educate me about hip hop. I love to learn. I love to grow. But I wasn’t asking to grow at this moment. He was acting like one of those homeless people trying to get money on the subway. Everyone was ignoring him as he spoke louder than he should for a one on one conversation. I had to be polite and listen. I saw and felt people looking at me. I don’t take classes to move forward in my career. I am not there to kiss ass or make relationships. I may be blessed to meet some great people, but my real reason there is to have fun and dance. That’s it. This was not fun. I was not in the mood and am never in the mood to be preached at. He just wanted to hear himself talk. It was mortifying to be on the receiving end. I had to sit there and go with it. Could you imagine what what would have happened if I interrupted him and said I am not hearing your thoughts right. I wasn’t. He kept going and going. I thought it would never end. Luckily, a fellow hip hopper he knew got into the conversation and I was able to sneak away. Man, that was a sucky situation. I didn’t care what pedestal he had put himself on. Good for him. I wasn’t looking to discover or get to know his pedestal in the first place. I just wanted to watch a hip hop class.

Talent does have a lot to do with it. Luck has even more to do with it. I hate to say it but there is so much talent out there. Does that give you an excuse to stop working on your art? Absolutely not. Don’t be lame like I did with the importance of training. If you want to work regularly, despite the degree of luck involved, you have to continue training. Why? Because you are always changing, you have to constantly keep up. If you don’t bring everything you can bring to the plate every time, it’s your loss. There will be times when you will be there at the right time. It will work out. Despite this luck factor in the business, I do strongly believe that if you keep working and keeping pushing forward, things will work out for you.

I had my drought for an entire year after I finished my gig with Disney Cruise Line. What did I do? I put up my own show, recorded my own music, and recorded rock music for someone else. I made sure that I was keeping things gong for myself when no one else was giving me any work. It kept me on top of my game, so when I finally got a gig, I was ready to go.

After experiencing what it felt like to not have any gigs coming my way, I worked really hard to maintain good relationships with the theatres that were hiring me. My hard work proved to be beneficial because it became normal for me to get hired back again by the same theatre (good behavior, hard work, post cards, dvd demo reel). My efforts worked, but I really learned there are so many ways to get regular work. My ways worked.

What have you done to get regular work? Would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

I found my inner child in class today. In one word - imagination. As I was doing in-class work to further explore my character in this beautiful scene I am doing, I got to use my imagination to its fullest. It is so funny because I really was just saying yes to whatever my mind was saying. There was no wrong in the world I was creating. Yes, it remained in the context of the play, but I didn’t realize how much was not explored and left to explore for the actor. It was super fun! I found myself creating objects that would be in my household and the way things were run. I haven’t gone that far with my imagination since I was a kid. Man, I didn’t realize how much I miss it until now. It is this feeling of free-ness. My life seems to be full of limitations, but through my acting, there are not any. I love exploring this.

On top of this wonderful use of my own imagination, I am forming this amazing bond with my classmates. Each person is extremely inspiring in her own way. Every person is at a different stage in life and G-d love it! We are always sharing our goals and current hills to cross over. The more I get to know my classmates, the more I want each person to achieve full success. It would not surprise me if this is common in every acting class at Elizabeth Browning Studio.
When learning more about how I relate to a character, I learn more about myself. Each classmate is learning something new in the process. Acting is a very close, trusting, and collaborative process between you, yourself, and your scene partner. It may sound scary, but I can’t let fear hold me back. The rewards a performer gets in all the self-discovery is rewarding on too many levels to pass it up.