Always Auditioning

Love this song. When I watch this clip from the Tonys, I want to jump out of my seat and say, “I can do that.” It makes me want to be on the stage and get to experience what the wonderful Sutton Foster is experiencing. I get so excited and I feel a huge need to be on that stage. To get to sing a song like “Forget About The Boy” and take down the house sounds great to me.
If I was to choose a song from a musical I would love to do on Broadway, it would be “Don’t Rain On My Parade.” That would be such a dream for me. I would love to finally get the chance to think, feel, act, and ride the song. Sutton Foster got to do it and now I want to do it. I am totally going in circles right now, but my craving for the stage is huge right now.

Now is the time of year to set up goals!

I am huge on this tool. Personally, it helps me get a better focus on what I want to do and what needs to be done. I love this career and I don’t want to get side-tracked. Writing out these goals really help me get myself a step forward in my career. Right now, I am achieving many things simply because of what I wrote out for myself last year. I find it inspiring to look back at what I want to get done for myself and see how far I have come in the year. It feels so good to move forward! This blog itself came from my list of goals. In this blog, I get to make a little extra money and write about something I love - theatre! I don’t like doing things that don’t involve creativity in the arts. If anything, I would just love to keep performing and creating and live very well off of those things. In the last few years, I have been making a living off of performing and that’s exactly what I wanted! Now, I want to continue making a living, but step it up a notch. I want to do roles and continue to grow as an artist. I am in this profession for the art. The money will come. I have faith, but the art is first and foremost. I will be sharing my list of goals in another blog. In this blog, I hope you find yourself a little inspired to write out a small, achievable list for yourself.

I love the holidays. They are a time when I everything is revolving around family. There is no other option and I cannot work. I mean, I could work, but with the hustle and bustle that goes on at this time - I am forced to relax more than I would. So, here I am in California far away from New York. Do I miss New York? Absolutely. I don’t have my next gig lined up yet, so I really want to make sure that I get myself out there at all the auditions. But right now, New York is dead. There is hardly anything going on. If I was going to be out of the city, now would be the time. This all doesn’t change the fact that I could use the audition and work time. I do love this field of performance and I would not change it for the world. I must admit, however, it is not easy to get some of the smallest things done at this time of year as well. I have a brother with two beautiful children. With them around, all my time and energy is consumed. It is not a complaint, it is a fact. I don’t get to be with my family that often. Does this mean my craving for the stage is lost during this time? Absolutely not. I will be sad to leave here at the end of the my vacation, but simultaneously very happy to be back in show mode.
Enjoy this random video I found:

I just auditioned for a cruise ship and I think it the worst submission I have ever done. I am going to include the video on this blog, but I am totally going to take it down as soon as the casting director checks it out. Why is it bad? First of all I did mostly one take for each song. The final song, “Falling,” was my worst clip. I didn’t have time to check the video (we were closing “Christmas Carol” on the same day of shooting). When I looked at it later, I almost died from laughter. I had only captured myself from my chin to my waist. Hialrious! I knew I wouldn’t get another chance to film that with the pianist, so I made the clip shorter and tried to crop it a little, so it would show less cleavage. I hardly performed the songs because I was looking so closely at the lyrics. I really didn’t know what I was gonna do until we started to record. Overall, I am not proud of this video audition. I was way, under-prepared and could have done a lot better for myself if I had more time. Oh, well. At this, point, it was the best I could do in that situation. Whatever happens at this point, happens.

Okay, so I wrote a possible article that needs major editing to help open up the possibility of opening up doors to a possible survivor job I could love. I am sharing it in the unfinished form to help push myself in this direction. I really can’t stand doing these non-artistic jobs (like catering) much longer.

POSSIBLE LANCASTER ARTICLE

ORDER
WHO I AM
I am a singer, actor, and dancer (no particular order in strengths) who has been living in New York since I graduated from the University of California, Irvine with a double major in dance and drama in 2003. Since 2003, I have been mostly traveling out of New York for 1 to 3 month contracts with theatres all over the United States.
HOW I ENDED UP IN PRINCETON
This past summer, I had the honor of performing with Festival 56. When I say honor, I really mean HONOR. I worked my butt off to get the gig. In November 2007, I was doing research on theatres I would be interested in working with on nonequitydeputy.com (website that contains a list of nonunion theatres in the U.S.). I came upon the website for Festival 56 and was immediately drawn to them because of their eclectic summer season. Plus, I was dying to do some meaty roles and their season contained shows I was very right for. I put together my own press package with a cover letter, headshot and resume, and video demo reel. The casting director, Laura Brigham, had seen something in what I sent and requested I send video of me reading/singing for certain roles. In about 2 weeks or less, the video was in the mail. It would have gotten to her sooner, but I had to research the plays and the characters AND get some private coaching in Shakespeare before I recorded anything. Finally, after all my submissions, I attended UPTA (United Professional Theatre Auditions) in Memphis, TN in February 2008. I later learned that my audition at UPTA is what really got me the job.
FROM NEW YORK TO PRINCETON
Coming from New York, I was expecting Princeton to be the usual small town in the middle of no where with not much to do. From my experience as a nonunion performer, most of the nonunion gigs not only take me out of New York, they take me away from the “go Go GO” atmosphere in New York.
There are ups and downs about performing in a small town.
THE UPSIDE OF PRINCETON
The upside is the audience, the people of the town. People are thrilled to have performers in the area and there is an awe about the performers. It’s funny to come from a huge city with many people just like me. Literally, they have a similar voice, figure, and look. We blend in with each other especially if we don’t make a point to learn what makes us different from our “twins.” When I come to Princeton, there are no “twins.” I am original and it feels great. The November 10 sees what I can do as a performer and gives me a chance to perform a great variety of roles in historic works of art. For years, I have been struggling to get the chance to play roles I am good for. I am type casted as a dancer and my strength as an actor/singer is overlooked. But with Festival 56, I get the chance to shine and it feels so good. And the people! They welcome all the performers with open arms. Regular patrons of the theatre become as much a part of the experience. Their involvement, attendance, and supportive words remind us of our great effect on this community. Most people here have not had the opportunity to see most of the wonderful shows we are putting on. And if the festival is putting up a familiar show like Oklahoma, they are sure to have an unpredictable twist/interpretation that will leave the audience thinking. As an added blessing, I have been fortunate enough to make a few bonds with some of the supportive locals. They too make this a rewarding experience.
THE DOWNSIDE OF PRINCETON
The downside? I love this place and could never make it a permanent home. Why? Lack of resources. As supplies go, I need a place to reproduce my headshots, get dance clothes, audition outfits, scripts, sheet music, etc. It is not easy to get all these things in Princeton. I am forced to solely rely on the internet and that takes time. I can’t be as fast and efficient as needs be. The world of show business moves quickly. If I take my time submitting to a theatre, some other performer could be cast in what I am aiming for and the opportunity is lost. So, as resources go, Princeton is lacking.
THE IMPORTANCE OF TRAINING
Despite the ups and down of Princeton, there is always a way to train. Training is extremely vital. A performer is never a finished product. Just like any job, there is always more to learn and room to grow. If I chose to stop my training in any way, not only would I stop myself from getting closer to my full potential, I will also lose a lot of what I have already learned. Let me put it this way. Say I learn to type. I practice and practice and get myself typing at a record speed. I decide to take a year off of typing. I come back to the computer a year later and I am back to typing like a beginner. In addition, in general there is something to be said for constantly exploring my performance abilities. Creativity is a vital part of being a performer. I am not on that stage to be a robot or try to perfectly mock someone else. I need to know how to take a character and make it my own. … and isn’t that fun? The answer is yes. Princeton does have very limited places to train performers, but I have learned that getting to Chicago is rather easy … so really … there is no excuse. If you want it, you have to go for it and make the time.

If you read my blog regularly, you know by now how much I love to be inspired. Well, I found something on youtube that really affected me. It’ the story of a lion that was raised by two humans. When the lion became too large to live in their tiny apartment, the “parents” made the choice to let their lion live out in the wild. … now you have to watch the video …
What I will take with me from watching this video? You can’t assume anything. Always be ready and open for anything that can come your way in life. Who knows what will happen. Plus, a life without love isn’t a life at all. I want to have and feel love in my life everyday. That is how I feel about my profession. I am in love with the stage. There are the downfalls, but my love for the art keeps me going.
Wow. This video is just so beautiful. I really do hope to keep this level of love in my life. The kind of love that beats all odds sounds great to me.
Do you have love in your life? Is it something that defies the standard definitions of nature and science as we know it?

Performing is my life and my heartbeat. It truly fulfills me in so many ways. But I am one of those people who really does love all forms of art and if I have a small craving for it, I follow-through and do it. I have a bunch of hobbies and I take them all very seriously. When I work on a hobby, I think, “Why couldn’t this be a job?” I love doing it and that is exactly why I do theatre. I love it. Obviously, theatre is on the top if I was to put things in order of importance, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t do other things when I have down time. I have this book I am working on for myself. It’s about the life of nonunion theatre performers. When I work on this book, thought it is technically work, it doesn’t feel like such a major job. If anything, I have a blast working on it. It doesn’t feel like work. Although it is a lot of fun for me, I have had a harder time fully committing to these side projects. It comes more naturally - for me to work on a monologue or read a new script. But with this book, it becomes harder to follow-through. There’s something about writing a book. It really is all about self-motivation. There is not income coming in as I write away. But lately, I have been hit by some kind of bug and I am feeling extra-motivated. It is a wonderful thing - having all of this motivation and getting more work done for this book. I feel very accomplished with my recent follow-through.

Art is a blessing. I have gratitude for many things in my life. I got to choreograph dance piece at my old ballet studio this year. I had no idea what I was going to make it about or if it was going to be about anything. The ballet director gave me freedom to do anything. I only had a ten minute time limit. So, I had the rare opportunity to start from complete scratch. I started by listening to music I knew I loved and waited for something to really pop out. There is so much great music out there. At one point, I was stuck on Seal’s “Crazy,” but then chose to go in a completely different direction with selections from Tarzan, the musical. Technically, I had never choreographed to a contemporary musical before. Also, I knew I would not make it about the story of Tarzan. The music has this great drumming and it got me inspired to create a kind of stomp routine. It was fun coming up with different sounds and movements that worked well together to create a fun-to-watch dance. Then I really listened in on the lyrics and found that there was a general tone for love and appreciation. If you don’t know this already, I am in regular contact with a dear friend once per week. We share everything with each other and support each other 100%. It is nearly impossible to not have her on my mind. Well, with being in regular contact with Sarah and then working with music about love and appreciation, it naturally turned into a piece about friendship. I wasn’t planning on giving the piece meaning - it just happened. It was a great creative experience. I just got the dvd copy of the piece. This piece is very close to my heart. Isn’t it amazing how a “survivor job” can end up being such a great experience.

This is something fun I just wanted to randomly share. I did in on elf yourself online. I don’t remember the excite web address, but if you google it, it will pop up. I will do a more “alwaysauditioning” blog later today. But for now, enjoy!

It is interesting going from one audience to the next with the same show. This morning, we had a show for 5th and 6th graders and I got huge laughs and reactions as the Ghost of Christmas Past. It was very rewarding and a great reassurance that my choices were on the money. What I do is not adult humor, I suppose, and that was confirmed in this evenings performance. I made the exact same choices and everything didn’t land the same at all. It was kind of depressing dealing with the change. I felt like I was doing something wrong, but I knew I wasn’t doing anymore or any less in my performance. I really was pretty exact in my choices. I start to ask myself, should I change things up a little bit depending on the audience. I don’t want to overdue or underdo anything. I tried to feel the audience out, I was getting laughs, but seriously, compared to this morning … well … it didn’t compare. So, here I am writing about this and trying to comfort myself. I kind of feel like I have done a bad job. I feel like a failure. What if I am just sucking? Man, I wish I could hit it with every crowd.

This song relaxes me. It is my dream to wake up everyday to the sound of the beach. For me, it is the equivalent of a newborn being rocked by her mother. This Otis Redding song helps calm me in any circumstance. It is also a song I cannot listen to if I want to be energized. I do believe that everyone should have some music on hand that can help center them. Different songs bring out different emotions and different results.
Do you have a song? Okay, okay, I know it is not a MUST, but it really does help. It’s fine if the song changes because it loses it’s affect. I am all about sound healing. I may not follow the practice to the T, but using music as a healing process is really helpful.
Here are some other songs that are very helpful to me:
1. Crazy - Seal
2. You Will Know - Black Men United
3. Don’t Let Go - En Vogue
4. Killing Me Softly - Lauren Hill

Some of the songs may not have the most positive messages, but when I play them, I love to sing or dance full out! It is a blast. I have too much fun with these songs. I really would love to hear of your songs if you feel like sharing …

I once went through a period in my life where I was doing 5 shows per day, six days a week. Now I am doing three shows today and I cannot believe that I used to do so many shows in a single day. Plus, that show I did back in the day was high energy the entire time. I remember having to eat so much more in order to stop myself from losing too much weight. Anyhoo, so here I am and I am only done with one show. I don’t know how I will make it for two more shows, but I will. If I had a choice, I would only do one show per day. That way, I have plenty of time to rest up feel settled, and then I get to kick ass at night. It makes such a difference when I have a ton of energy for a show. Our first show was at 9:30am, the next will be at 12:30pm and the final one will be at 7:30pm. In case you haven’t guessed, I plan to crash between the two shows. I really don’t have any idea on how I made it through with the five shows. I feel ready to go to bed right now. Thank G-d this is not a dance show, it would be a whole different ball game of exhaustion if that was so ….

Here are the New Yorker’s top choices for 2008:

# The Seagull

# Othello (Donmar Warehouse)
# Macbeth
# Endgame (BAM)
# The Country Girl
# South Pacific
# Passion Play (Yale Repertory Theatre)
# Pitmen Painters (National Theatre)
# Gypsy
# Discovery of America (Lincoln Center)

I am kind of shocked that Gypsy is on the list only because there was a revival for this show that ran so close into this revival. For me, it feels like the show never left Broadway. I am also surprised that August Osage County was not on the list. People who have seen it can’t stop talking it. “See it now” is usually the initial reaction. Apparently, the members of the cast are amazing and the show is unforgettable. Have you seen any of these shows?

Okay, what do you do when you have a ton of anger and resentment towards an individual in your cast? I am really asking this question this time cause I am extremely pissed off at this person. Unfortunately, I cannot go into details because I am currently in the contract and I have to remain “right” in this situation. Man, I am dying to be wrong simply because I am that mad. I can’t stand people who get away with murder and that is exactly what this person has done. The individual has found a way to get the cake and eat it too. Outsiders have told me that I should turn in this person for the wrong, but I am hoping my gut will get over this person’s awful bullshit and move on with my life. The trouble? It is 4am and I cannot sleep. I somehow fell asleep at 1am and as soon as I sllightly woke up this morning, my anger popped right back in. I am trying to search and find a way to get over it and it really won’t happen until things are set right. But in this situation, that won’t happen. … and if I take any actions, I fear how I may look professionally and as you know, the professional aspect is what is most important to me. I keep thinking that I have to actually look at this disgusting creature and watch the b.s. continue to unfold during our final week of the show. I am seriously disgusted.

I am not a fan of this word. I like the idea that this word would never be used to describe me at all, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to my personal procrastination. I am so good at moving forward in my performing career and lame at the other things - mainly my own, inspirational book. I have done a ton of interviews and need to type all of them up in order to get more of a book together. What have I done as far as typing goes? Hardly any of it. It is a pain in my butt and I have become so good at finding other things to do. It is such a shame. The book will be very interesting and a great achievement in my life. I still have interviews that need to be done … man, I am just needing to move forward in this and I am not doing that for myself. I have become a procrastinator. How do I get out of this? Well, I make plans and stick to them. When I say that I am going to dedicate time to the book, I have to go ahead and dedicate the time. I know it sounds so simple, but like I’ve said, I have become very good at this whole procrastination bit. It is going to end now. I am writing this blog to help myself. I want to get out of this habit and move forward with my book. It is very important to me and I can practically taste the finished product.