Always Auditioning

This is so hard to do. It is actually kind of ridiculous. I read a great book by K Kalen (I may have just mis-spelled her name) about Agents. It was informative about the entertainment business and then extremely helpful with the process of getting an agent.
I have learned that the best way to get an agent is through referral. Only thing - I am not sure how to get a referral. I have been doing the talking thing - mentioning it to friends in conversation and such. Nothing great has come of it. So far, my friends either don’t have an agent or they dislike their agent and are in the process of ending their contracts. That is never a good sign.
I did a mass mailing on my own to agencies I liked and thought would give me some consideration despite the fact that I am nonunion. In the mailings, I included my dance, acting, and vocal demo reels along with the usual headshot, resume, and cover letter submission. The next step for me is to mail a postcard updating the agencies on my upcoming gig.
Otherwise, that is all I can do for now. I have heard that attending classes attended by agencies have proven to be very beneficial for some people. I have to sign myself up for a few of these things to get some great exposure for myself. I have several friends who signed with some super-fantastic agencies through this method.
In the end, it feels like above all of the skills I can represent, it’s all on a prayer. I know I will eventually get an agent, but it may not happen so quickly.

I was almost in tears when I saw the Saturday matinee of Xanadu. it was such a funny, high - energy, creative and loving show.

I remember when I first heard of the show coming out. I heard it was a about a guy who wanted to open a roller disco. Oy. I was a snob. I didn’t feel like I needed to even express my opinion because the idea sounded so ridiculous. I chose to not see the show. Stupid of me.
Let me just say that I am so glad that I decided to go to the Saturday matinee of their closing weekend. I was so wrong! The show was well written and freakin hilarious! Each member of the cast made strong, bold choices. They never apologized; only celebrated their time on stage. They all went with their guts and trusted their timing. The energy was exhilarating. Everyone was giving 110% and eating up every minute of the stage. They all seemed to share great trust, genuine bonds, and endearing love for one another.
At the bows, I felt so sad to see something so wonderful come to an end. I wish everyone involved in that production all the best. Thank you for the fabulous show!

I have to remind myself of this important fact over and over again.
I didn’t understand this concept for a long time. I did a lot of professional shows while I was in college, but I didn’t have to worry about what I was getting paid. I was a lucky gal who was being supported by my parents throughout college. … and then I graduated and I was thrown into the business.
Disney Cruise Line was my first gig out of college. I was lucky. At the same token, I didn’t have a clue on how to negotiate my contract or how to protect myself. If I got any injury from a show, it was not an instinct to defend myself. I had too much faith in my employers and had to learn the hard way they any employer is going to go out of his/her way to make sure that not much money is spent. Even if I am practically dying, if I am able to pull off a great performance, they want me out there.
I have gotten myself extra sick by pushing my body too far when I should have been at home in bed. Forgetting that I am human, I stopped thinking about what was best for my own health and ended up sick in bed for an entire month after a contract ended.
I still have a bad habit about caring too much about what others think. I once sprained, strained my left foot … oh, and bruised bones as well - and still felt guilty that I was unable to do the show. And I was the freakin injured person! As soon as I was able to walk, I threw myself onstage only to learn that it was way too soon. It hurt so much!
And now here’s a fun, and random/serious cartoon about protection (from aids).

(… eek. This blog is getting too long. Okay, I must end this thing …)

What did I learn from this? Only I can protect myself. If I don’t, I could really hurt myself.

We all get sick and we all are expected to perform through it. For me, nasal drip is the devil. It can really mess me up vocally. In the end, this is what I learned from my voice doctor that really helps me heal faster from the vocal damages that happen from nasal drip.

First of all, hit a wall because getting nasal drip can take awhile to go away. It is a long process. I guess if you are younger, it goes away faster, but for me, it usually likes to linger and hang around for awhile.
In either case, here are things I have learned (the hard way) I should do. First off, sleep. Getting enough sleep is always very important. This is a very hard thing for me to do because I am always afraid about what I may miss out on in life if I slept too much. If you have the same problem with sleeping, you have to get over and get your butt in bed.
Second, do neti-pot. Neti-pot is a holistic way to healthfully clear out your nose. In fact, it is good to do neti-pot regularly. What is it? It is a salilne solution that you pour through one nostril and let come out of the other nostril. You can tell exactly how clogged up your nose is by how quickly or how slowly the saline solution/water mixture comes through.
If the water isn’t going through at all, hummm and lightly massage the area around your nose to help unblock anything that may be clogged up.
Next, do a regular gargle. Put 1/2 tsp of kosher salt, 1/2 tsp of maple syrup, and 1/2 tsp of baking soda. Mix it in an 8 ounce glass and gargle. It feels great on your throat especially after the irritation from the nasal drip.

I am not a college kid anymore. I won’t see the same people I used to see at auditions. Some of us are working regularly now and some of us have completely left the business.
Changes happen. It is a part of life. Even if you or I don’t like it, that’s the way it is.
I am not a fan of change which is totally a funny thing because that is a huge part of this business. If it’s not people coming and going in and out of New York, it is you who is doing all the moving around. I have lived out of a suitcase for about three years now and finally find myself back in my home residence in New York. Being in one spot has been a huge adjustment for me. I do have a gig coming up in December and if I wanted to, I could keep doing shows back to back and live out of the city, but I am creating my own change.

I don’t want to do just any show anymore. I want to do shows I crave. I am not interested in “Annie” or “The Sound of Music.” I would do those shows if I got a fun role, but ultimately it’s those great shows like “Steel Magnolias” or “Funny Girl.” “West Side Story” is another show that I could never get sick of …
I feel silly being all choosy about the shows I want to do when I am not getting in those shows. But hey, living this life began with a dream right? And many of those dreams have come true.
Now that I have lived in my dream for awhile, my dream has changed and I need to accept that … and make some readjustments; some changes.

I hate this saying. I know it takes a lot of energy to hate, but man, I really am not a fan of this saying. I have an amazing past. Yes, there are a few not so amazing parts of my life where I had to deal with the cards I was dealt. But here are things I will always miss:

1. Clubbing with all the other rats on Friday nights in San Francisco at Club X.
2. Being a virgin. Yes, I totally miss this. I had some great shirts about being a virgin that I can never wear anymore. It was great not knowing what I was missing. Plus, it is hard to keep self-control on dates.
3. Doing shows with Limon Carr Productions and all the other regulars.
4. Working at the Artslab at UC Irvine.
5. Going to parties at the Smelly Cat House.
6. Throwing parties at my parents house in high school when my parents weren’t home.
7. That crazy week of fun before my senior year of high school began.
8. The first kiss from Chris Weller.
9. Holding Aidan as he accepted my gift (tickets to a Madonna concert).
10. The unexpected moment Carl said he loved me.
11. The summer with Raven, Rachel, and an endless list of boys.

The list goes on. As I write down all these amazing memories, I want to pause. My past is amazing. I want my present to be just as great. In some ways it has been, but in other ways it has definitely been a bit of a struggle. It isn’t easy to live in the present when the past is just so damn good!

Dude, one can never truly understand body aging until they actually start to get older. To many talented performers, I am still young and have much to learn and experience. To another half, I am at the “wow, you don’t look 28 age.”
My age may not show in my face, but it definitely shows in my body. I can’t bounce back from things the way I used to.
Acid reflux is a huge change in my well-being. I can’t drink or eat the same. I have to time out everything I eat in order to stay healthy. If I decide to get drunk, it upsets my stomach so much that the acid causes nasal drip, and I get freakin laryngitis. It is so frustrating. I have been amazingly patient as my body has become more choosy about how I treat it. … but it can be so difficult. I want to enjoy life the way I want to enjoy life.
I want to eat late and pass out while hanging out with my friends. I want to have a caffeinated drink, dance the night away, and not wake up with a scratchy voice and torn - up body.
Back in the day, I could mistreat my body in so many ways and I would be just fine. I may feel crappy the following day, but I could get over with greasy food or a little cardio workout. My body is just not the same anymore. It is completely depressing.
I know, I know, it is a part of life, but if you are going through the same thing, you will totally understand. It may be a part of aging, but I still don’t like it. I miss the old days of irresponsibility.

Choosing an Idol

I have decided to choose someone to idolize. Why not? I have never been a true fan of anyone where I know the lyrics to every single song and learn everything about the artist’s life. So, I have narrowed it down to one person - Fanny Brice. I was going to do Sarah Jessica Parker, but the only book written on her is like a boring book report. Something about Sarah has yet to be written. I even thought about Madonna. As much as I love her, I am also aware that she can be bitchy to people. So, then I thought about my dream broadway show, Funny Girl. In case you don’t know, it is the story of a comedic performer named Fanny Brice. So why not? Why not learn more about this beloved comedian?
What I know about Fanny Brice so far? I know she was a comedian. I know that she sang these powerful ballads. I know that she had a goofy face (in my opinion) and that’s about it. It will be fun to learn more!


I just went on amazon.com and purchased one out of two books. I am really looking forward to learning more about her. I do hope I like everything I learn about her.
Why am I into this idol thing? Why not? It’s fun and I have always been in love with being inspired, so i am going for it.

Who really is a fan of waiting? How should waiting at an audition be any different. For me, I know the chances of me waiting at auditions is very high, so I make sure that I come with tons of things to do. Aside from the usual book, I bring music, monologues to work on, and things I need to write. It is surprising how there is always something to get done.
Many times, there are friends there and I spend most of my time talking/catching up with them. But as the week comes to an end, I just want to turn to my books and enjoy. All the noise from auditions can become less enjoyable. That is why I bring so many things along - I have multiple options and it is very possible for me to get things done.
I believe it is very important for people to get their necessary quiet time. With the way life can get so crazy in New York, many times I make my audition waiting time my quiet time. Why not? There is this huge gap of time. I am in a building and brought my headphones with me. I may have to drown people out with my music, but it works.

When I take advantage of my time at an audition, I stay in a good mood which only keeps me in a good, positive state before I audition.
It doesn’t change the fact that waiting at an audition sucks … but then again, when I get so many things done for myself during that time, was it actually waiting?

I used to be a club rat in San Francisco. No Joke. It was a blast. I knew everyone at this club called Club X. I went there every Friday night for a few years. I came with new moves every week, watched and learned from great street dancers that night, and practiced when I left the club. It was awesome and completely unreal!
I had to take risks and put myself out there regularly. You would not believe the skills the dancers had at this club. I started off with a very limited amount of “moves.” But I learned to steal moves from other dancers. Even if I had just seen the move that night, I made a point to do that move over and over again to make it a part of my dance vocabulary. The next week, I would come back and add more to my memory.
It has been a good amount of time since I have been a regular club rat, but since then the moves have stuck to my memory. I did them so regularly and so often that they became a part of me. Plus, I developed my own style and learned what I need to do with a dance move to make it fit me better. Since there is always more to learn and the process is fun, my desire to go out dancing regularly again is big. All I have to do is go out and have a great time.
That’s how I learned to street dance.

Dude, I am all for having a drunken night, but with my body I really can’t do it on a regular basis. Okay, now I am going to talk about why it is good to have an occasional, drunken night out. First of all, it is a great release. Even if you are already a person who doesn’t have any inhibitions, it is a great thing to explore. You get to be a different part of you. You get to act stupid and you get to make mistakes. Hopefully, the mistakes are not too huge. I am one of those lucky people who is not only a light weight, but I’m also a good drunk. No one has to take care of me, I remain responsible, and apparently, I am entertaining. I don’t really know how, but a different part/side of my personality comes out. I have fun in an entirely different way. Plus, as an actor, it is great to experience life to the fullest. You have to know how to have a good time and fully release.
If you are a person who turns into “bad company” when you have a few drinks in you, don’t pay any attention to my positive thoughts on getting drunk. For you, alcohol may just not be so right for you. There. I said that part. I felt I had to acknowledge bad drunks because I would hate to convince a bad drunk that it’s good to get wasted regardless of your natural tendency to piss people off when your drunk.
This blog is funny to me. The whole point was to talk about getting drunk in a positive way (as long as it’s not everyday) and I ended up having a lengthy negative moment. Darn it! I will rely on youtube now to lighten up this blog.

Here I am with another freakin reel. I know, know - it is endless- the time I put into these reels. I am oober happy about getting this reel together. Before the summer, i had this crappy acting reel that hardly showcased my abilities. These reels need to show what I can do. It’s not an option. I have learned the hard way that showing “good enough” material is just NOT good enough. If I want people to truly take me seriously, everything I present has to be just as strong as my dance demo reel. By the way, putting together a dance demo reel when you do a ton of dance ensemble work is incredibly easy. When you are struggling to get straight acting work, getting the right footage is nearly impossible. This summer, I got lucky. Not only did I get the great chance to do some fabulous plays, I also got permission to get selections of my performance on film for my demo reel. Putting together the acting reel was the hardest reel to put together. It is all about pacing. I had to watch each clip so many times I was ready to pull out my own hair. My patience helped to a degree. Eventually (and as always), I had to have someone else check out the reel. My eyes get tired of watching the same thing over and over and I eventually just need an outside opinion. Some more quick adjustments were made and now I have a new acting demo reel! Yay!

This is all about the whole part of my survivor job life. I do love choreographing. I really do, but I love performing more. Does that stop me from choreographing? No way! It is still a great way to make some extra money and it is actually something I enjoy doing.
I am the least secure about this reel. I don’t feel I have enough of a variety of footage from different pieces. It doesn’t show everything that I can do and the flow is average. With what I have on film, this is the best I came up with so far. I would love to get some of my hip hop choreography in there as well. I have learned that patience is a virtue with my acting reel.

I have put together yet another reel to open up more jobs for choreography work.

It took me awhile to learn to take advantage of all the small survivor jobs that pop up along the way. I like to go home and visit my family in California at least once per year. It never occurred to me that while I am on vacation, I could go back to my old ballet studio to teach and/ choreograph. I actually felt very silly for not realizing the great and fun money-making opportunity until a few years ago. Reconnecting with the ballet director has been nothing but a major blessing for me. Not only do I get to continue gaining an income, I get to create. I get to do a job I enjoy and not feel trapped in a long-term commitment to a dance studio. That’s a time commitment I can’t make. Short term and temporary - I will always speak that language when it comes to my survivor work. In general, I would like to create more small job opportunities that have some sort of artistic backbone so they can eventually stream together into a years worth of regular work if I was never in a show the entire year. I really do better in my soul if everything in my life is artistic in some sort of way.

I love this song from Enchanted. It is cheesy as ever and I absolutely love it - it’s like Cinderella who sings as she gets her work done. I would like a job that gets me to internally sing as I do it. Is that too much to ask? I may be wrong, but I think these small, short term gigs may be the solution to being happy in my daily life.

It is so hard for me to have fun while I am pursuing this career. Please don’t misunderstand - I absolutely and STILL love what I do. I just don’t know how to find the time to go out dancing, take computer classes or even a random party class with my schedule. I wake up at 6am (7am if the day permits) and spend my day time attending auditions. If I am lucky, the day may end a little early and I go home and clean up some more around my home (moving back to NY has been a process). In the evenings, I go to work. If I don’t get work, I put together submissions, work on music, and anything else that is career forwarding. … it’s wonderfully planned out, however, I don’t have the time to go out dancing on a Friday night and I am so in love with doing that. I don’t have any clubbing friends in New York. All the people I know are in San Francisco, California.

This became even more apparent when I was last in California. I met up with a group of my clubbing buddies. We hopped from club to club and didn’t have to pay a cent. It was beautiful. Wait? Nope. Never had to really wait either. We had the right connections because the clubbing world gets small the longer you are in it. It was fabulous! The great company and the dancing. It was so great to not be away from dance auditions or classes. We were simply dancing. I don’t have this in New York. Sounds weird, but I don’t know how to get started all over again. I guess it begins with simply going to a club, but the company I go with makes a big difference for me. I really want to go and dance. I want to be able to wander around the club on my own and I would like the person I go with to feel comfortable to do the same. That would be ideal for me.