Always Auditioning

It is so funny to be coming from a 5 show days to 2 show days. I am actually bewildered by the fact that I was able to get my body to work so hard. 5 shows? What was I thinking? Now I am doing two shows and this is tiring for me. Isn’t that funny? When I have a two show day, I really have to pace myself … especially because I do have extra time in my day to be able to get some things done in the morning and in-between show. The biggest thing is letting myself sleep. If my body is shouting for a nap, I have to let myself go to bed. It sounds simple, but it really does take extra effort. I love to work and get things done, sleeping gets in the way of all I want to do. But I have learned the importance of reminding myself of the saying “show first.” The most important thing is the show I am doing. Then, I can take care of others things that day. I find that when I have a heavier schedule of shows, I am more attentive to my body and that permits me to give my all every show.

Putting a song in my body takes time and patience. I am back to reviewing my understudy role for “All Shook Up.” We are doing a run-through of the second act this Friday. I have some big songs to sing. Since I am not in the mood to sing right at this moment, I will just work on my blocking and acting motivation. There is one song where I am “acting like a guy” and I want to make sure that I am not acting … but “being.” I like to be human when I take on a role. I like to refer to the person I am playing with the words, “I” and “Me.” Using this words really helps me embody a role. Man, this summer is going to be truly fantastic for me. I can’t wait to grow and grow and grow. It is such a blessing. But for now, I have to keep my focus on the job at hand. I am ready to just be done with it and move on to roles that I am actually playing rather than understudying. I know that is a bad idea. So I will make a point to continue putting my all into my job. I know the blocking and the lines. Like I said, I just have to really get it in my body now. I hope I am a huge success. No. I have to say it in more of a positive way … I will have a successful and strong understudy run - through this Friday.

Are you an artist who regularly sublets your apartment? If so, read on. First of all, at a sublessor, you must know that you are not always right. You will have to learn from your mistakes the hard way and become a better business person. That’s how it has happened for me. I have learned so much from different personalities and the power of listening. I have made a point to write up a very professional sublet agreement, so everything has been laid out on the table. My biggest thing is to be honest, not emotional. Instead of saying, that’s annoying, I say, that doesn’t work for me. Then by listening to my loud opinion and taking in the subtenant’s point of view, I can come up with a professional agreement.
When subletting to a friend, however, it is not so easy. It’s hard not to get emotional when you really care about your friend’s feelings. I have even said, many times, to not mix business with friendship. That is the case with subletting as well. It is a business. Try not to make the same mistake I made.

I got off track. My mind wanted to go back into the negative. Instead of completely denying the negative, I confront. How? I called a dear friend who is a believer of the power of positivity. We both believe that if you feel good, the good things will continue coming your way. Naturally, there will be obstacles in your way. It’s what happens. But you have to be determined to get yourself back in a happy place. “Happy Gilmore” pokes fun at this idea, but it is an easy example. Using your imagination and seeing what you want more clearly when you close your eyes, will help you get to your goal.
Right now, nothing has really changed. I have the job I want coming to me this summer. I’m currently working with a wonderful cast and loving my life. The next thing is money. I want money in my life. I want to not worry about money. I also want a man/husband. I’m done with the dating and flings. I’m over it. With the way I have been visualizing my future, money will be in my life. I have been researching things to find what I want. My cravings only increase. I just need to keep my cravings in a positive place … and that’s exactly what I am doing.
If you really don’t get what I am talking about, read the book, The Secret. It is all about the power of attraction.

Man, I survived. I knew I would, but I was very nervous about the aftermath. My nerves were not too bad during the whole thing. If anything, it went better than the last understudy run-through I did for my Christmas show. I look forward to when I actually get to be a role. That will be this summer! Yay! I really do look forward to getting that work for myself. My mind is rambling, does yours do that? So, the understudy run went well for me, but it is hard not to want to be at the top of my game for the run. I like how it feels when I have grown into a role. I am talking about when the part I am playing becomes very natural. That is when I can fully command the stage to the best of my ability. I felt it a little, but I know I can be even better. It is not a conceited thing - I just know my strengths. I was not my strongest.

I could see where some people were more comfortable with covering a role. I think they have more experience. If I did understudy regularly, I know I would be more comfortable, but that is really not a goal for me. I want to BE the role. Patience. Patience is a virtue. It is hard, when so passionate about what I do, do be patient. I just love this stuff so much. It’s hard not to want it … and want it now!

Why not put a focus to your dream? Right now, I am in the running for two gigs - both of them are tours. One is a tour of “Fiddler on the Roof.” I would love to be one of the daughters in this show. This is not my favorite show, but it is a show that has value because of its Jewish content. If you don’t know, I am Jewish. I still have yet to do a show that deals with my religion. This would be very spiritually fulfilling. I really could play any of the three daughters … and as I get older, I could pretty much play any of the adult women as well. It is one of those “perfect shows for me.” This is a not a conceited thing. It is my type and this show is filled with “my types.”

The other show I’m in the running for is the role of Gladys in “The Pajama Game.” This role allows me to dance, sing, and act. It would be such a dream to do either show and work with these new theatre companies. I had the honor of reading for this great role at UPTA more than a week ago. I also got to dance for the company as well. I felt very good about my reading and my dance audition.

In the end, it is up to G-d. All I can do is visualize my success and put out positive energy. Everything else will happen as it is meant to happen.

I have dear, dear friend who going through a period of self doubt. This is totally normal. The hard part is figuring out how to get out of the negative state of mind. It is totally addictive. It’s so easy to fall into that dark whole of self doubt and see only the faults. It takes so much more energy to be negative. I had someone ask me once, “How can I be so tired? I did not do much today and I am beyond exhaustion.” Then, she proceeded to go through a monologue on everything she doesn’t like about herself. It was exhausting just listening to her. You have to throw out the negativity. Don’t worry, the thoughts will never go away. If you really are afraid to lose any of your negative thinking, seriously, don’t worry, the thoughts will always be there ready to make you depressed. With that in mind, toss those negative thoughts and focus on your gratitude.
Ask yourself, what do you want in your future? Find pictures that help you visualize what you want. Then, map out how you can get to what you want - figure out what possible baby steps you can take that can help you reach that goal. Naturally, you will find yourself believing and then it will happen. It’s impossible for it to not happen because you will be taking steps towards what you want… you see? Believing does make it happen.

There are many way to memorize lines. I do many things to make sure that the lines get secured into my memory, my emotions, and my body. As soon as I get the script, I highlight all of my lines. Next, I type up all of the lines. I usually don’t use the lines I type up. If anything, typing up the lines just helps me become more familiar with the text and character journey in the show. Then I memorize the lines off the highlighted script. Oh, no, the work does not end there. Next thing - I record all the other lines that interact with my lines in the script, so I can hear the timing and get faster with my line delivery. If I am understudying, I follow the role I am learning around backstage and silently practice behind the wings. This allows me to familiarize myself with the timing that has developed onstage. If I was to ever cover the role, I would be even more prepared. The last thing I do to prepare, is practice my lines with other people. This puts me on top of my game and makes me highly confident and able to develop my character more when I begin a rehearsal process.

As an artist, this is a really hard thing to do, however, I suggest it because it gives a you a permanent place for your things. It makes a huge difference. Also, it is easier for people to find a way to track you down (most importantly - future jobs). Besides, the more of a permanent home you have, the more at peace you will be. Now that I ramble on about this, I am realizing exactly how important it is to have a permanent home. Being centered - that’s priceless! So, here I am searching and searching for someone to sublet for the month of March, and you know what? I forgot about how grateful I should be to have my own place in the first place! This home of mine only helps me out. I have posted an ad online and now I just have to put out the positive energy for it to happen. If you are an artist who is going through the same thing, make sure you take some time out to reflect on all the positive in your life. Trust me, it is worth it. Taking the time out to look at the positive in any situation will only put a smile on your face. … and that’s what life is all about …

Long long long long day. That was yesterday. I would have talked about my adventures yesterday, but my life was too busy. Everyone should go to auditions regularly and I do think everyone should go to United Professional Theatre Auditions at least once. It is a great opportunity for exposure and developing relationships with multiple theatres, thus leading to regular work. It is not something that should be skipped. It is a 90 second audition that will change your life. You learn from your audition and grow every time you go. What more could you ask for? You have to put yourself out there no matter how much it scares you. This is our passion, our job, our dream. Don’t forget that.
Okay, so back to my day yesterday. I was in a hotel filled with hundreds of eager performers. After doing our 90 second audition, our callbacks for different theatres were posted. This was a rough process for me because my ability to compare myself went on a rampage. It does not make me feel good when I start comparing.
I had two friends I kept in touch with throughout the day and it kept me centered. Everytime I started to fall into a negative center, I made a call or emailed one of them. It really helped and they were great, supportive, and understanding friends throughout my whole mental ordeal.
In the end, I think good things will come out of this experience.

There are last minute details for everything no matter how much you plan. Period. I am huge on planning for things and even on this trip, I am finding myself still running on errands for the trip on the final day. I am grateful to be this on top of it. I know one performer and am sure there are many other performers who still have yet to pack for the trip. Man, I have been slowly packing since Monday and my flight was not until tonight. I will be arriving late, but I know it will be so much easier than my trip last year. Last year, I had two dear friends drive in the middle of the night, so I could sleep in the car to audition when I got there. It was insanity. I did not sleep much in the car because my friends were having a good conversation and it was hard not to listen. Funny and great memories from that road trip.
Here I am now, and I will actually sleep in a bed the night before this exciting audition. I am really looking forward to showing how much I have grown and developing relationships with even more theatres. This is going to be fun!

I have to pack many things for this trip. As I have mentioned, I am bringing copies of my dvd demo reel … I have not mentioned my postcards, audition book, stamps, and theatre book. The postcards are to mail to all of the theatres after UPTA to thank them for the opportunity to audition. The stamps are to ensure that I mail out the postcards right away. It’s the whole thought of “out of sight, out of mind.” They will have seen many performers in a single weekend, so I am doing my best to have my face stand out. My audition book? I may have a set audition piece for the formal, 90 second audition, however, I know the chances of me singing other things from my book are very good. My book is filled with a variety of songs that show off all of my abilities as a singer. Last of all, is the theatre book. This is a book I made that tracks all interactions with every theatre I have ever auditioned for … this is a very important book. It helps me keep track of everything and be able to “step up” to the plate and know what I am auditioning for … as you can see, everything I am bringing is of high importance. It all leads to one thing - the stage. It may be a lot of work, but it is totally worth it.

I am on my way to the United Professional Theatre Auditions in Memphis, TN on Saturday evening. This is a great audition where I have a minute and a half to show my a monologue and a song. I have my materials, dvd demo reels to give out to people, my suitcase is almost completely packed … I am doing well and I am grateful. I have been making a point and am constantly rehearsing my monologue and song for other people in the cast. I have been choosing a different person in the cast to practice in front of in order to confront my nerves and become more of a natural with my monologue. I am very grateful to have the wide range of people to perform/practice with … if I was in New York, I would have been bringing my monologue to a real audition everyday even if the song or monologue was inappropriate. I am happy to have the desire and passion for this job to be taking these risks and constantly perform for my peers. I love what I do (which I have probably said many times), so prepping for this great audition is very important. I will share more details tomorrow.

This is a very hard thing for me to do in a rehearsal process. If you are a singer with acid reflux as well, you will understand what I’m talking about - I need to work on accepting this first and foremost. At first, it was not easy to time everything out, but then I figured out a way to get myself in a routine. But my routine is changing all the freakin time. It’s insanity, but I love it. It’s exciting. So, now I find myself finishing my dinner VERY early so I have the safe time I need to digest. It makes a huge difference in my health.
I think the biggest critic of the choices I have to make in this situation are other people. Nobody says anything out loud, but I imagine all these negative voices in my head - like my peers ridiculing the choices I have to make. It’s no fun. I’m working on ignoring these voices and putting my energy into more positive things.

How can you do it? I would say it is doing your best, but I don’t feel some people really know how to do their best. I have to work on it all the time. I learn from so many people in every freakin gig I do. Even today, I was able to watch some actors make some character choices I would have never imagined. I am loving my time in this rehearsal process because I feel my best is being noticed. There have been times when I am working my butt off and I find myself stuck in the back, in the balcony, and I don’t understand why. But the past doesn’t matter. What matters is the now. Now I am in front of people and I am in the front and getting fun, small dance bits that I love. I have an uninhibited dance partner who really loves to “go for it” just as much as I do. I love it! Here I am, standing out, and it feels so freakin good!