Always Auditioning

I have woken up at crazy hours in order to travel from one gig to another. We don’t get first class in this industry. I was on tour with a musical for one month. The contract, though short, was rough because they had us in a different town everyday. We’d get to one town a couple hours before our call - time at the theatre, do a show, and then wake up early (meaning around 5am) the next day to hop on the bus to travel to the next venue. It sucked. Everyone made the most of it including myself. The hard part for me was when the gig ended. I had rehearsals for my next gig starting the next day in New York. We were scheduled to take an evening flight, which was very delayed. I remember sleeping on the ground in the airport along with many other fellow cast members. We couldn’t do anything about it … only wait. I’m sure there were many people who had hoped to even get the gig. It was rough.
Right now, I am in the process of my travel to my next gig. I finished choreographing a piece in California last night and now I am “en route” to Lancaster, PA. I am flying directly to New York to have two hours to get things I need. I have a list of exactly what needs to be done … absolutely. I don’t have time to mess around. I will be arriving in Lancaster, PA at 9:40pm to pass out and wake up in the morning for my first rehearsal.
If you expected this to be a life of luxury, you could not be more wrong. It is driven by your passion and love for your craft. That is why you do it. Who knows? You could eventually start making the big bucks, but it is a long journey to get there.

If you want your success in the business to really happen, you have to believe. No, don’t just say you believe. You have to see yourself doing it … and in seeing yourself on that enormous stage, feeling the heat from the spotlight, and hearing the thunderous applause, only makes your dream even more real. It will happen for you if you really see it and believe it. Visualizing is key. Some don’t follow it, but if you really want something to happen for you, why not? Imagining being at the peak of your career to the best of your ability will only bring a smile to your face. As you take steps that get you closer to your dream, it will work out for you. You have to have faith. Try it. Sit down in a quiet room alone. Close your eyes and really focus on what you want exactly. If you are having trouble, turn on a song you want to sing in that moment or throw on an outfit that makes you look fantastic that you could wear to the Tonys (naturally you would be wearing a designer outfit, but your clothes will do for now). Take your bow and let yourself hold the weight of your award. Let yourself see your family and friends in the audience. Take it all in while you sit in that quiet room. And one day you won’t have to be in that quiet room because you will actually be where you had always dreamed …

Loving my life. I am LOVING my life. I have been loving it more and more as time passes. Do you love your life? Everything I have experienced has made me who I am now. I would not change a thing. Though not all experiences proved positive in the end, I know the beneficial outcome of these obstacles. There are still a few things in my happiness that I need to accept about myself and I am working on it by focusing on all the good in my life. “To build a self esteem, do estimable things.” That’s what I have been doing for a long time and it has made such a difference. When I smile, it’s because I am really feeling the joy from my life. Auditioning has become a much better experience. I actually really look forward to auditioning because it is another performance for me. There is so much heart that I put in my job and it is worth it despite any struggle. I love what I do good or bad. This love has come from my passion and keeps me going in the business. I do know of people who have not stuck with it, but I cannot help myself. I love being around who love, doing what I love, and sharing the love. I’m on a roll with the whole love thing, but it feels good to be on cloud 9 and I am going to enjoy it. Do you ever let yourself float on cloud 9 just because you love your life?

Wow. Talk about never knowing when something truly awesome will come my way! I got a call in the middle of “daddy and daughter day” from a producer offering me “All Shook Up” at the Dutch Apple in Lancaster, PA. Isn’t that awesome?! I get to work at a theatre I enjoy, people I enjoy, and still be able to attend United Professional Theatre Auditions in Memphis, TN. I love it! I have to check out plane flights this weekend because I have to move things around now. It is all possible. The insanity is fabulous. I love being on my toes like this and I am so freakin grateful. I have been missing the stage. I’ll have a lot of work to do because I will be understudying the lead, who is played by a wonderful girl who I’ve already had the pleasure of working with in the past. Yay! If you cannot tell, I am so freakin happy. I had no idea this was going to happen, but I had a good feeling that good things were heading in my direction. It was unexpected and I am embracing it full-force.

I want to hold all this freakin stress on my back and it is ridiculous. At this point, it is a bad habit. I have calmed down a lot in the past year, but now when I feel even a little anxious about my career, I have to really focus on letting it go. I want everything and I want it now. The concept of patience is actually a bit on the frustrating side. I don’t want to wait. I am not sitting quietly, true, but we are talking about my dreams. This career in musical theatre means so much to me. When I say “let it go,” I don’t mean let go of my dreams. Absolutely not! What I am referring to is letting go of the unnecessary tension. My shoulders feel like if they don’t hike up, there is a loss of control. I am doing the best I can and my “best” is only getting better. What more could I ask for? I know I am not alone on this strong passion for theatre. When the love for something is so strong, I just care … now I am going to care CALMLY.

Yes, yes, you do want to live in the moment, but don’t let that stop you from planning ahead. That is where you must constantly submit yourself and keep yourself in people’s minds. You could easily keep on working, but have to plan. Auditioning is great, but there is so much more you can do. Let’s focus on one thing - postcards. You go to the audition and then mail a postcard with your face on it thanking them for the opportunity. If you order online with Prints N Charmin, you can get a good deal. I think it is something like 65 dollars for 300 postcards. That’s rockin, right? If you are thinking you don’t have the money, you are fooling yourself. This is coming from one performer to another. I am not making any more money than you at the moment and I have learned how to make it happen. Acck! I am getting off-track. Postcards and planning ahead. This follow-up after an audition helps continuously connect you with a theatre. They are more likely to remember who you are … VERY GOOD. Your audition never stops at the end of the audition. It is always continued. They may not have seen what they needed at the time in you, but you still have talent and will one day “fit the buck.” So keep planning ahead with your ways to continuously connect with a theatre. It is worth the effort.

I am on vacation. It is good to be on vacation. However, I am not used to it. It is hard to not get anything done in a day. That may sound cliche, but it is so true for me. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like not moving forward in my life. I like to follow-through and achieve my dreams. But I do understand the importance of taking time off. It is very important. I like to do something. Is this odd? Am I alone on this one. I am having a great time on this vacation, yes, but there is a huge part of me that wants to keep record of what I am not getting done, so I will have to work even more when the vacation is over. I don’t know what I will end up doing, but I do want to get more things done while I am away from my hard-working element. I know, I know … I am a workaholic. I admit it. EEEk! I need to let myself relax.

If you are working performer, you will be going in and out of shows all the time. Meeting new people and making new friends will be a regular part of your life. But what about the friends you leave behind? Do you really leave them behind? Do you try to keep in touch or do you just move on? I am a huge believer in friendships - meaning that I really put my friends on a high level of importance. When I get close to people. I get really close. The bonds that can be made with other performers are priceless. I have been lucky enough to maintain those bonds. Yes, it takes effort, but it is so important. Who knows when you will see the person, but you are in the same business. … and this business only gets smaller and smaller. Having a reputation for being faithful to your friends only makes you a better person. On top of it, it makes you look like a better person. Let’s face it, this is an industry where appearance matters. It’s not just the way you look. It is what you do. So, take three minutes and write to an old friend. Besides, connecting with a person is just plain fun!

In most cases, you will not get the money you deserve for something you create in the arts. At the moment, I have the honor of choreographing a piece for my old ballet studio. Doing this is so much fun and gives me that wonderful high I can only get from being creative. Seeing what I imagine come to life is an indescribable experience. I am not going to tell you how much I am getting paid, but I will tell you that putting together the piece outside of rehearsal takes a lot of time. Hours on top of hours. I love the work, but I still have no concept of good pay versus low pay. No clue. I don’t have a person I could ask and I have only choreographed when it comes to the same person when it comes to actually being paid. The worst I was ever paid? I will gladly share - it was $100 to choreograph an entire musical. I took the job because I wanted to jump at the opportunity to choreograph a musical. But the result from getting paid so little, I did not put much work into it at all. I was not being paid for my time at all - I was lucky enough if it was covering most of my gas expenses to get to and from the theatre. I do not like putting out bad work. In my head, at the time, I put in my best efforts to create the dances. But now that time has passed, and I can really see the big picture, I can see how I took offense to the low pay and therefore unconsciously pulled back in my efforts so I would not be as offended. It was an automatic way to defend my ego. I am not defending myself at all. It was what it was … which brings me to this question? How hard would you work if you were not getting the money you “should be earning?”

If you travel as much as I do, with gigs and such, it would be in your best interest to learn how to put together a fantastic video audition. Right now, I am in the process of auditioning for anything and everything. The problem? I am not in New York. Currently, I am choreographing in California for the month of January. From all of my video submissions, I have been fortunate to have several theatres interested in hiring me. Some have been interested enough to ask me to send more footage. The most recent requested required a lot of homework. With only three days in New York, I had to race around the city to take advantage of my temporary resources. I went to the Lincoln library in order to be able to read for certain roles and I had to book a last minute private session with an acting coach to get some help with my readings. It was time and money well spent. Why? Because I got the job? No. Because as an artist, I grew. I learned more and explored new things. If I get the job, it will be a definite plus, but for me, most importantly, I was able to grow. Nothing like feeling like a stronger performer.
Here’s the audition I put together. Enjoy!

It is hard to accept others. That is a huge part of this business. You will run into many people whom you don’t have much in common with, but you have no choice but to work closely with these individuals. Tough luck. You need to work with people who may offend you at times. This has happened to me many times. I have had my feelings hurt, cried through it, and then worked hard to keep that smile on my face. I don’t want to add to a negative space. I would rather contribute to a positive space. That is what is important to me.
Besides, though it is easy to get attracted to the negative conversations about those who you cannot accept, it takes more energy. If you spend your day focusing on all the good in your life, you will not be as exhausted by the end of the day. The key is acceptance. You must embrace what you have in the moment. If you’d prefer to be “Debbie Downer,” go right ahead … only keep your distance from me. I’m allergic. But if you insist on being around me, I will celebrate the things I love about you.

Ummm … I am a huge fan of “West Side Story” and you have to see this clip. It is Natalie Wood doing the vocals … before it was dubbed. The insanity! She could be worse… Man, you have to watch this video.

Health insurance for a performer is a major pain. Especially as a dancer or a singer. We need to see people who truly specialize in the voice when seeing an ENT. This means we can’t see just any ‘ol ENT. I have had the experience of going to crappy ENTs and then going to the top. It makes such a difference. Why? Because you get better. It really is that simple. Since going to a fantastic ENT, my voice has strengthened so much. I am more knowledgeable about vocal health. It’s the same thing for a dancer. You can’t see a doctor who hasn’t put in the hours to study the extra work a dancer does. We do some things with our bodies that we are not meant to do. But we keep doing it cause it is what we love. Only the top physical therapists and trainers who have done in-depth study of dance, can fully understand how to properly diagnose a dancer. It sounds obvious, but so many of us can’t afford these people. We have to go the people covered by our health insurance or ones we can afford. Yes, I am talking about the crappy doctors. They just don’t care about what they do, quickly diagnose, and get us out of their office as fast as possible. I am still on the search for a solution for this huge problem and I believe I will find it … and when I do … I will be sure to share it with you.

Yes, when you get to New York or LA, you need to find a way to earn money. I get it. I have to the same thing. That does not mean you have to torture yourself with a job that makes you miserable. You may go into a waitressing job and think you’ll be fine with it, only to discover your boss is a pig. Quit. You could try temp work and feel like your life is being wasted away. Quit. Or, you could try putting yourself behind the bar to get the extra tips, only to discover the hours go too late and you find it impossible to wake up for auditions. Quit. Yes, I do believe in quitting. Don’t quit the jobs you love, aka performing stuff, but when it is out the field and your situation messes with your happiness, quit. Seriously. Life is too short and you are not in this business for the money. Oh, man, if you are in it for fame and fortune, you have chosen the wrong business. You could get to the top, but really? Do it for the money? There are so many people out there who are doing it for the love of it - don’t get in their way. I’m all for the love of the job. So, keep in mind, when you are going out on a job hunt and find yourself forgetting about your main focus - the stage, quit. You don’t have any time for distractions. You can get another job.

As you saw, with all the goals on my list, I have a lot to do. It is easy for me to want to overwhelm myself at the beginning of the year to just reach the goal right away. I have already gone there and it was too much. I planned too many of these “to dos” in a single day. In the past, I would have beaten myself up and eventually laid off the goal completely. Now, I have to put things in an order of importance. I evaluate where I am at the time. Sometimes I am in New York and I have access to many things. Right now, I am in California and I have more time on my hands. This is a perfect time to get that busy work done - AKA my book. Writing up all the interviews I have done takes time. I enjoy doing it, but like I said, it takes time. It estimates at about 2 hours per interview. I thought this would be far from fun, but on the contrary, it is fun. I love hearing the interviews again. They inspire me. Nothing like some inspiration gained from writing a book. It is a blessing.
So, now I am focusing on pacing myself. I have to remember that I am on a “vacation” as well and I have to give myself time for the fun. I came here thinking all I wanted to do was work until I started seeing some of my great friends and spending time with my wonderful family. I want and deserve the time with them.
I won’t save the world in a day, but I can take a step or so, and enjoy myself while I do it.