Always Auditioning

I just moved. I was happy where I was living - in the cast house with 12 other people. I was just starting to find my niche, but then “something happened.” A lovely person was unhappy in her living situation. I figured it would not make a difference for me to make the move. I was wrong. I ended up being the person asked to make the switch. Fine. Not a big deal … a little stressful to move, but it felt good to be helping out a situation.
But then … I come to my apartment to find that I am not getting an internet connection.

That was the first question I asked before I moved to the apartment. Is there internet? I got “yes” as the answer … only to find that it was a lie. Apparently, the people above knew there was a problem with the internet here.
I would not have moved if I knew internet would be a problem. Using the web is part of my livelihood as a performer.
I do have to option of going to the theatre to use the internet. But let’s be real, on my time off, the theatre is the last place I want to be.

I totally believe in this rule. It is so true.
The one month count down is the amount of time it takes for people in a cast to start showing their true colors. It is so funny how things turn out. The people who seem super cool can be exactly the opposite by the end of the month. Everyone puts on a show at first. There are so few who are the same at the beginning of the month.
As for me, I try to be the same throughout. My goal at the beginning is to be friends with everyone and then be wary in case someone is not desiring my company. When I first started out, I was dilussionaly and truly thought that everyone liked me. It came as a shock to me when i found out years later that some people were not so fond of me.
This is not fun to share. I would love to be that person who is accepted by everyone. But when I really think about it, if it was so easy, then my close friends would not be as special. And trust me, I have some amazing friends who I will know for the rest of my life.
Every contract I do hope to get some more “friends for life,” but it just can’t always happen.

It looks like this is the year for “All Shook Up.” I have been submitting myself to theatres because Lord knows I don’t have the time or the opportunity to make it to the formal auditions. It is so good to be putting myself out there.

Watching these clips makes me want to do the show so much more.
This is not my dream show, however, the songs that “Natalie Heller” sings are drool worthy. It seems like a role I could really put my heart and soul into … how can I not want to get a piece of that experience?
Funny, now that I have been doing my research on youtube for video footage. I have found myself with a little “talent whore” crush on Cheyenne Jackson. Anyone with me? Check out this last piece of footage below and get back to me.

Bluegobo.com.
This is a new website made specifically to have a musical theatre video archive available online. They collect footage from Broadway shows. I usually go on youtube.com and search video footage from the tonys there. Now it is all organized on one website. It is truly fabulous. There are clips from shows I have not even heard of! Maybe that is not a good thing to admit, but dude, I don’t know of all the shows that are out and have been put on.
When I get down, I love to watch these clips from these excellent shows. It reminds me what I am going for and how great it is that I can do this for a living. This job is a blessing. I hope to achieve more blessings for myself. Right now, I am submitting to theatres and I feel like going for roles is the smart thing for me to do right now. I need to move up, not down. As much as this is a field I love, it is also a business and I do have a set goal in mind - making it on the big stage.
So going onto bluegobo.com lets me experience the magic of Broadway at any time. I know I sound like a cheeseball, but I LOVE “the cheese.”

Focus. I have gained a lot of focus recently. I am now creating an acting reel, regularly submitting myself, keeping in touch with theatres, prepping for UPTA (big audition in February), learning a new song every week to perform at the cabaret after Saturday’s show, putting together a friend’s reel, choosing music for a nine minute piece I need to set on a ballet studio in January, reviewing music & choreography for Cinderella, and getting involved with “Vein of Gold” - an inspirational book. Yes, I am doing a lot, but there is one more important thing I want to get done for myself. That is my inspirational book. I have done a few interviews, but I have so many more I need to do. I also need to type up a lot of them … all of them. The more I think about it, the more I know I can do it. I am just still not committing to putting it together.
I love being this focussed. Trust me, I am totally aware that I am doing a lot and I am fine with it because I absolutely love everything I am doing.

The next cabaret. The theme is trans-gender. The boys are singing girl musical theatre songs and the girls are singing boy musical theatre songs. I am so exited! Talk about a great opportunity to sing a song I have always wanted to sing - “Stranger Like Me” from Tarzan. I am going to sing it in the original key and then up it a notch in the end in order to use my high belt. Fun!
From the boys, we have guys singing “Gimme Gimme,” “Gorgeous,” “Home,” “I Know Where I’ve Been,” and “If You Got It.” From the girls, we have “Stars,” “Dirty Rotten Number,” “Maria,” and my song. I do believe the boys will have more fun. It is just so much more entertaining. However, I knew I would not want to let this opportunity pass, so I am jumping on it.
I will be rehearsing the song a lot this week. Very excited!

It always takes a horrible event to really get me to put things in perspective. Here I have been struggling emotionally with small, unimportant things. I could go into details, but they are not important.
Here what is important. My grandma is having open heart surgery early next week. I am going to see her on Monday. And you know what? Hearing people bitch about really small things gets on my nerves. I sometimes feel like slapping them and saying, “At least you are not possibly seeing your grandma for the last time on Monday.”
But I can’t. It is not professional and I don’t want to add anything negative backstage. Now, writing this could get me in crap with anyone in the cast. But once again, I am putting this out there for anyone going through anything similar.
It is natural to go through these feelings. This is not easy stuff to be dealing with- but despite all my thoughts and feelings through all of this - I am not bringing it backstage or putting my emotions on my cast. It is highly uneccessary. People are too involved with their own crap. No matter what, I don’t plan to unload my grief.

I heard Cirque Du Soleil is a bit of a cult. Is this true? I really heard that it becomes a lifestyle. According to a friend who saw a documentary on the company, the people seem to make what they do with Cirque their life. I don’t know if that is healthy for any person.
I have a dream to work with Cirque one day as well, but if it changes my life for the worse, then, NO WAY!
I started this search for clips on youtube.com to find more information from this documentary. i could not find it. Ironically, I found this inspiring clip.

He hit it right on the button for me. If working with Cirque is truly inspirational and monetarily supportive enough to raise a family, then sign me up! I guess it depends on the person.
I have to get a hold of this documentary so I can learn more and see if working with the great Cirque Du Soleil works for me.

I have this dream to be Maureen in Rent. Apparently, they only hire blondes to do that role. So freakin depressing. If anything, according to my friend who is a huge fan of the show, they usually hire blondes for the role. Wah!!!
You know what? That is not going to stop me. I am going to keep that dream alive. He also told me that he has seen maybe about 2 Maureens with brunette hair out of the 60 different girls who have played it. I could be the third!
Anything is possible!

I remember when I first saw Rent on Broadway. I was still a ballerina. I went with my dad as a fun, random thing to do. My grandma told us to see that show because it was new and hip. I fell in love with the music. I remember begging my father to buy me the cd. I had never been like that about a broadway show aside from West Side Story. The music reallly spoke to me.
Plus, Maureen’s song “Over The Moon” got me to laughing and I could not have been more delighted to discover later that it would be a role I would play.
I am thinking positive now. i will play that role someday!

Weddings are such a tricky thing as a performer. I could say yes to attending a wedding, but that could kick me out of the possibility of doing a show for several months. Many theatres do not accept people with conflicts. That is highly rare.
My best friend is getting married (yay!) and I HAVE to be there. It will be in November and the date is not set yet. This wedding means a lot to me, but it still sucks - the fact that it can knock me out of the possibility of having work for several months … but I have to do it.
But I have to commit to this wedding. We all have the choice and if it means I will have to jobless for a few months, so be it.
I love my friends very VERY much. It is not everyday when your best friend gets to walk down the aisle. Right now I keep picturing her in her wedding dress and it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. I can’t wait to be there. Man, I am getting emotional.
I am putting this topic out there because as professional performers, we all go through this … weddings, family gatherings, … it is impossible to be there for all of it. If we really want to be present for all of it, you are in the wrong industry. It is not a job that favors vacations.

Most people think I am “on top of it.” But that is only when they look at the cover. I feel like the biggest procrastinator right now. I am working on this big about the life of nonunion performers and I have done plenty of interviews. I do want to do more and I have been. Where does the procrastination come in? Well … I have all the interviews recorded, so I have to type them into my computer. Have not even started on that. I don’t know how long it will take with each interview. I have not even started on one yet to know.
I don’t have to type out everything that is said in each question. I must remind myself that it does not have to be a major essay for each answer. It all depends … see! My head goes through this whole whirlwind and I don’t get anything done for my book. I know I will do it.
I do have to be kind enough to acknowledge that I am in the middle of a run of show and am starting rehearsals for a kids show in two days.
No reason to stress over anything. I just don’t like procrastinating!

I got to perform in the cabaret last Saturday. I was really unsure about this performance. I was so afraid that it would be too much body movement. I literally choreographed the whole number. With so much dancing around, I thought it would be blech! After watching the video, I learned that my choices went with the song and were not as random as I had feared. (Thank G-d). But there is still that demon voice in my head waiting to criticize everything I do. I’m ignoring it.

I took advantage and videotaped this performance. I used the recording and sent it out to people who have hired me/whom I’ve worked with in the past. Good way to keep myself “out there” with other people who could potentially hire me.

This is a part of self promotion I was never taught. I have learned on my own through my intense desperation and desire to continue working.